'Girl Dad': St. Charles author, father shares parenting insights in book he co-wrote with his daughter

His books can be seen as primers for being good parents or grandparents - full of insight, advice and common-sense approaches to everyday interactions between parents and their kids.

But Jay Payleitner of St. Charles hasn't written nearly 40 books on family life because he thinks he may know better than anyone else.

He feels it is important to establish a foundation on solid family values and morals, but he mostly knows parents often need help. He admits he did and zeros in on meaningful topics that reflect our changing world while emphasizing loving relationships.

His most recent book, "Girl Dad," co-written with his daughter Rae Anne Payleitner, takes a deeper look at how a parent can connect with a daughter's innermost thoughts - to understand better what stirs her heart and spirit.

Pulling his daughter in as a co-author makes sense for this book, scheduled for a May 9 publication through Salem Media Group, a publishing firm focusing on family-themed and Christian values. Rae Anne is the only daughter of Jay and Rita Payleitner, who also have four boys and, at various times, have cared for 10 foster babies.

"Whether we're right or wrong, most dads feel like we can identify with what our sons are going through, but with daughters, we often feel a little bit lost," Jay said. "That's why books for fathers of daughters outsell books for fathers of sons, two to one."

From a personal standpoint, this is good to know. I will likely steer this book toward my son and our two granddaughters. We never had daughters, so this has been a switch for all of us.

Rae Anne, at age 30, brings a perspective the book needs, helping it read like a conversation between a father and daughter. Subheads for "Girl Dad Insights" and others for "Rae Anne's Reality Check" make it easy to follow.

"My goal with my portions of the book was to give Girl Dads everywhere a different perspective - to view their daughters not just as their little princess, but as a complete person with hopes and dreams and flaws and potential," Rae Anne said.

Rae Anne relied on many of her personal experiences when writing the book, but also from her childhood friends and their families - taking note of their challenges and struggles as they tried, in their 20s, to figure out what they wanted to be.

"Just as my dad looks to speak to every father with his insights in the book, I am looking to represent all of the daughters I can," she noted.

Girl Dads everywhere will likely relate to many potential clashes and encounters the authors bring up. The idea is to bring more understanding and make those positive experiences.

"I'm hoping dads can learn to celebrate their daughter's defiance," Jay said. "About the time your daughter stops sitting on your lap, she's going to start deciding what's important, who to trust and what she values. You want her to make mistakes and discoveries while she's still under your roof because you are still around to cushion the fall."

The book covers everything from a daughter's self-image to her activities, friends, hopes and dreams.

"Encourage your daughter to try a variety of activities, but let her choose which ones to take to the next level," Jay advises. "That way, she will find her own sweet spot, which may take you by surprise."

And, as with parents across the board, there is fear and uncertainty about what is going on in a rapidly changing world with more than its share of traps and dangers.

"The world is a scary place, but don't raise your daughters to have a helpless-victim mentality," Jay said. "Raise her to be part of the solution for the challenges ahead."

"Girl Dad" will be available on Amazon, at some local bookstores and directly from the authors at jaypayleitner.com.

Leadership with some fries

Word association was pretty easy when Bruno Hilgart came up in business discussions in the Tri-Cities area: Bruno Hilgart "was" Burger King. In many ways, the two were one.

Hilgart was known for working at and managing Burger King restaurants for Gill Management Inc. for nearly three decades. It didn't hurt that he also managed and played for a talented Burger King 12-inch softball team in the St. Charles Park District for years.

Hilgart of St. Charles understood and mastered a difficult premise at Burger King and in other hospitality jobs. How do you motivate young employees working for a quick-serve restaurant chain, with most of them not making much money and not considering the job a vital career move?

To be able to do that successfully at Burger King should translate to any type of business, with the main emphasis being that company leaders need to know how to lead and inspire employees.

Hilgart explores what he calls "servant leadership" in his book "French Fry Leadership: How to Attain Profits Through Serving People," published through Koehler Books and available starting June 13.

Hilgart points out that going to work at Burger King as a teenager wasn't just a summer gig. He had always thought about working at his favorite restaurant and wanted to move up the chain of command - and he did.

He was promoted into management at age 18, just out of high school, and managed his first restaurant at age 20.

After managing thousands of young team members in his career, "French Fry Leadership" was the best way for him to share what he has learned along the way.

The timing is perfect in many ways. Restaurant technology is changing rapidly, and workers are difficult to find and keep. What better way to counter that than to have managers fully aware of what they could and should be doing to help workers embrace the team concept and thrive - even in a quick-serve restaurant setting?

Cooking with Lori

Occasionally, I'll point out a small Tri-Cities area business many folks may not know exists. Sometimes, it's a business tucked away in a location other than a downtown street. Other times, it's a niche business for a particular service or product.

The Party Kitchen in Geneva fits that mold, but quite a few things happen at the 415 Stevens St. site. And more people may be aware of this business from scrolling through Facebook or other social media.

Owner Lori Smerz has provided cooking lessons for kids, special events and birthday parties for five years at The Party Kitchen.

Smerz rents space and time in the Geneva Green Market building between Penrose Brewing and Prana in the business strip along Stevens. As such, there is no outdoor sign for The Party Kitchen. Geneva Green Market and its kitchen are owned by the Weaver family of Ingelnook Pantry fame.

"Mark Weaver is there during the day, cooking meals for senior living facilities and such, and then he lets other certified vendors use the space when he is not there."

Smerz can use the space on certain evenings and most weekends for her events and classes.

It makes sense that Smerz would focus on passing along her cooking knowledge.

"I taught at both St. Charles East and St. Charles North high schools, as well as at Willowbrook and Addison Trail high schools," Smerz said.

She taught family and consumer science, specializing in culinary arts and nutrition. She currently serves as a substitute teacher in the St. Charles school district, filling in mostly for physical education, art and music classes.

At The Party Kitchen, she offers small group lessons, evening summer camps and after-school programs, or parent-child classes, with ages depending on the class. As she noted, some cooking classes use knives, so those tend to be for older kids accompanied by adults.

"When it comes to children, I can hold up to 10 in a class, and for adults, it is more like eight," she said. "Adult classes tend to be more cooking and baking based. With children, I would say 80 percent of my business is kids' birthday parties."

Smerz has also hosted entire Scout troops or other organizations for special cooking events.

Information is available on her thepartykitchen.net website, but she prefers registration through email so she can carry on a conversation with potential clients at partykitchenllc@gmail.com.

Always for the kids

After 27 years as children's ministry director at Immanuel Lutheran Church and School in Batavia, Mary Wert has spent much time around young children.

And she's leaving that ministry position to spend more time with children - her grandchildren. But that's what many of us do when stepping back from longtime work commitments.

Wert will stay on through this year's vacation Bible school, but starting June 1, Kari Larsen will assume the children's ministry responsibilities as part of her role as family ministry director. Larsen will work with Wert through the vacation Bible school to establish a smooth transition for the kids and their families.

When Wert completes her role at Immanuel, Larsen will lead the Sunday school program and other major events and celebrations in which youths participate.

dheun@sbcglobal.net