The past few years should make us aware of the many sources of grief
Recently, a perceptive reader wrote to me about grief caused by prolonged separation from friends and family due to COVID-19. She's still being very cautious, so she's still quite isolated, almost three years after this pandemic started.
She said what she's experiencing is grief even though there's no actual death. She believes it's not frustration or cabin fever, but rather grief from separation.
Periodic reports from medical experts on TV remind us that the number of serious cases of COVID-19 are indeed still at too high a level, even though very much lower than at the height of the pandemic. Vaccinations and boosters, and other safety measures have made a huge difference, but seniors and people with underlying health conditions are still at risk of becoming seriously ill. So this continued caution and isolation is probably more common than we think.
This issue of “separation grief” from COVID-19 got me thinking about other sources and reasons for grief other than the death of a partner, spouse, child, dear friend or relative. As it turns out, it's a long list. Some examples:
• Separation from family and friends because of geographic moves/distance.
• Loss of a job
• Financial hardship
• Loss of a house, forced move
• If unwanted relocation to a distant new community, loss of neighborhood and neighbors.
• An unwanted divorce.
• A pet's death.
• Loss of lifestyle, daily routine, or companionship as a result of several of the above.
And there are probably still more sources or reasons for grief.
Another consideration is many people actually suffer several deaths of dear ones over a short period of time. Having to cope with multiple deaths in a relatively short time period is bound to intensify grief and compound sadness. Often this grief after multiple deaths is not really visible to friends and family.
And it's worth emphasizing people often underestimate how deeply people grieve over the death of a loved pet. They pretty much discount it, when their friend is actually grieving. Sometimes friends even say very insensitive or hurtful things. A pet is often considered part of the family, a best friend or dear companion, and the grief is intense. But it is often a case of “invisible grief” where the bereaved is very isolated, left on his or her own.
The point is: It is important to recognize these multiple sources and reasons. It's important so that we become aware of the bigger picture.
A person near us may be grieving over different or multiple losses. This awareness puts us in a better position to support that friend or relative. Or it may even help us understand ourselves better.
• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.