Hungry shopping and other side effects of stress and grief

By Susan Anderson-Khleif

You have probably heard the advice: Don't go grocery shopping while you are hungry.

And also: Avoid going to a restaurant while you are very hungry. Even if you did eat lunch, it's best to eat a little something before going - such as a piece of fruit or a small cup of low-fat yogurt or a hard-boiled egg. A little snack to take the edge off your hunger. You'll make a more sensible order.

When we are on our own or alone a lot, without someone to temper our whims, I think we are more open to temptations. Grief makes a lot of us more vulnerable, and sometimes we feel like having a treat. Or, the opposite - we just forget to eat or lose our appetite. So often in grief a person either gains or loses a lot of weight.

Well, the other day I fell prey to both temptations. I went grocery shopping while hungry (they say don't skip breakfast. I did). Then I stopped for lunch hungry.

So the outcome was I bought a bunch of ridiculous items I have no business eating. Macaroni salad loaded with mayonnaise and sugar, coleslaw with the same, a big box of snack packets and a huge sweet and frosted coffee cake that looked good but wasn't. Later I fed it to the squirrels, who shouldn't eat it either!

To be fair, I also did buy fresh broccoli, asparagus, dishwashing soap and a few other healthy foods and useful household items.

Then I proceeded to lunch where I ordered all the wrong things, even though there were many tasty and healthy choices. One item I ordered was a free appetizer, deep-fried, so … the gremlins made me do it.

And then I ordered big pasta dish. Took half home but still. I drove home wondering, "What am I doing?!" I threw several items away - wasteful but better than eating them. The pasta leftover could be salvaged with some more seafood and peas or broccoli added. But there were other much better choices.

They say it's best to eat at home. Of course, not everyone likes to cook or even knows how to cook. Not interested. Doesn't matter. There are plenty of frozen, take out, canned or even deli foods that do not require cooking - maybe just warming or popping in the oven. Just a little planning to have it on hand at home.

The point is: I think it's hard to keep our defenses up 24/7 every day of the year. But we need to try to check ourselves when needed. In dieting (and healthy eating plans), the advice is this: if you have a relapse, just get back on the program and continue on the plan. It usually works.

Also having a good daily routine, a sort of schedule for oneself, and some exercise, all promote healthy and regular eating, especially if it contains some enjoyable activities or pastimes, and some tasty (but good for you) foods to eat.

Up there in northern Minnesota I was raised with the well-worn saying, "moderation in all things." That's definitely a good idea, although I don't follow it at all times!

Stress can cause us to stray but it's not hard to get back to good habits. In this case for me, the day of hungry shopping, I think it was just stress from a complicated, expensive and unexpected car repair. Not the end of the world but probably the trigger. We just need to remember grief is stressful so we must be on guard.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.