Family photos show the passing of time, joy of life

I have lots and lots of family photos around the house. The TV room is a veritable gallery of family photographs. I have several TVs, but this is the room where I watch most, so I see these photos daily.

I have photos of different eras, different occasions, different members of the family. Lots of them with my beloved Baheej and myself.

I sometimes look at one of these photos and think, “Oh we were so young.” It used to be sort of startling. The kids and grandchildren — and nieces and nephews — I expect to see them at different ages in different photos. They were growing up. But us — that's a different matter.

Have you ever had a new friend see some photos on the wall or desk, and exclaim, “Is that you?” I have. The first time it happened, it surprised me. But now, it doesn't. Our “outside” does change with time, more for some people and less for others. And one doesn't need to be a “senior” to start noticing changes in yourself as seen in family photos.

The odd twist to this is that inside our minds, we often feel the same as we did when quite young, as when we were in our 20s and finally a real adult. This is a sort of continuity of “self” that is very reassuring.

Baheej didn't take any notice of his own age. Not his own, not his friends, not in me. When he died, most people, including his friends and colleagues, didn't even know he was 80. Mainly I think this was because he didn't act older and he had a very youthful spirit and personality — always curious and traveling and learning. He was never stuck in the past. Baheej appreciated happy memories but was not confined there. He was anchored but not limited.

Adele has song about being young and worried about getting older; really about getting old. In the song, she wants to take a photograph of someone so she can remember how the person looked, how they acted, how they were when young. Some excerpts of the lyrics:

Everybody loves the things you do

From the way you talk

To the way you move

...

You look like a movie

You sound like a song

My God this reminds me of when we were young

Let me photograph you in this light

In case it is the last time

That we might be exactly like we were

Before we realized

We were scared of getting old

When bereaved, we might be especially aware of the years going by, and tempted to worry about it. But I'm here to suggest a different path, and for me a better path.

As some know, Baheej had a very positive influence on my own outlook on life. And one good influence was certainly his attitude about age. He thought age was irrelevant. He thought it is all about staying curious, learning, looking ahead to the next adventure, good meals, the next trip, the next family gathering, an upcoming holiday, enjoying life at every stage.

So the point is: I've adopted Baheej's outlook on this matter. For me, it's healthy. So as I walk around the house, I'm no longer startled by a photo of when I was 27 or whatever. I just think of the happy time when it was taken, and move on by. The old saying, “Everything in its own time,” is true. Cliches have an element of truth.

And time can be our friend.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.