We must be willing to learn new tricks

There is a well-known saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." Well, as it turns out, old dogs (and cats) can learn new tricks, and new behaviors.

This is well documented and I have many examples myself. Anyway, this saying really is not about dogs, it's about people.

And a related idea is that older dogs and cats lose their playfulness. This also is not necessarily true. Oh sure, they lose that puppy and kitten type of playfulness, but many still like to play. My cats are now fully grown, a couple cat years away from being seniors, but they are still playful. They have lots of toys. Some games I play with them, such as "laser chase" and dangling a ribbon on a wand for them to bat around. Other toys they play with by themselves. They are actually good at entertaining themselves.

Well, people can also retain a sense of humor and playfulness, no matter what age.

Which brings me to a related topic - variety. Habits are comforting, but as they say, "variety is the spice of life." As usual, cliches have an element of truth.

Variety can be a great safeguard against boredom. In my experience, people benefit from play, variety, curiosity and flexibility. That is, flexibility as opposed to rigidity.

These are very important in grief as well, so it's good to be on guard to protect and encourage them in ourselves. Grief has its way of shutting us down somewhat, even years later. We may be more susceptible to being "stuck in our own ways," i.e., somewhat rigid.

A couple years ago I wrote about a play called "Brand" by the Norwegian playwright Ibsen. The main character, Brand, was so rigid that it led to his isolation from everyone and his eventual doom. Sounds gloomy but the message stuck in my head. I have a large, framed poster of that drama in my garage, so every time I enter and exit, I see it!

The point is: There are certain qualities that are important in life, and also in grief, and they need protection. Curiosity, playfulness, flexibility among them.

I'm so glad I have that poster!

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.