Music and chemistry take on corny contrivances in crazy rom-com 'Marry Me'
“Marry Me” - ★ ★ ½
In this modern romance beaming with Instagram visuals and multiplatformed media, stars Jennifer Lopez and Owen Wilson share an undeniable chemistry, and they need every molecule of it to counteract the corny contrivances in this comically flatlined 112-minute commercial for nine new original songs.
If Hollywood ever sponsors a “Most Outrageous Meet Cute” contest, I am voting for this “Notting Hill”-like musical and its imperative title “Marry Me.”
J.Lo plays Kat Valdez, a superstar pop singer about to tie the knot on stage before thousands of fans in an auditorium with 20 million more watching around the world.
Oh, no!
Someone releases social media footage of her fiance and singing partner Bastian (Colombian singer/songwriter Maluma) getting chummy with Kat's personal assistant.
Knocked off her pins, a stunned Kat looks over a sea of faces until she focuses on a lonely looking man holding a sign, “Marry Me,” the title of her new hit song with the two-timing Bastian.
Right then and there, she marries divorced high school math teacher Charlie Gilbert (Wilson) in front of a zillion dropping jaws. Hey, she's already dressed for the occasion.
This impulsive and audacious reaction might be credible had Kat been an extremely idealistic young singer going into her first marriage.
But this Kat is older, supposedly wiser, and a two-time divorcee. Shouldn't she be used to being disappointed by men?
Wilson's math teacher almost immediately regrets saying OK to the impromptu wedding vows. He doesn't want to subject his shy, math-ace daughter Lou (an adorable Chloe Coleman) to the “crazy” (the most overused adjective in this screenplay) media circus that he has just joined.
Isn't that framing Charlie as a thoughtless father?
Or perhaps that's a harsh appraisal of a movie simply designed to be an escapist fantasy about rich, famous women who can only be completed by ordinary guys.
Kat and Charlie agree to stay married until she can “change the narrative” and save face with her fans. That allows the two to get to know and improve each other - at Kat's expense.
Kat challenges the technophobic Charlie to get on social media. He challenges her to be independent and do things without relying on her ubiquitous staff.
What happens?
Kat doesn't know her fruit juice blender needs a lid, and she makes a mess! Wah-wahhh.
When she takes Charlie to her palatial beach house, she forgets she doesn't have keys! Double wah-wahhh.
What meager laughs “Marry Me” musters come from Sarah Silverman's sassy lesbian guidance counselor at Charlie's high school, home of the Pi-thons, a competitive team of students (including Lou) whose upcoming mathematics tournament replaces the climactic “race to the airport to confess true love” cliché used by other rom-coms.
At the epicenter of several spectacularly staged musical numbers, the radiant Lopez is stunning while executing a celebrity superstar extension of her real life.
Likewise, Wilson's Charlie never ventures far from the actor's trademark hangdog persona and untamed mop of blond tresses.
“Marry Me,” directed by Kat Coiro, supplies these two performers with an undemanding, crowd-pleaser vehicle, based on Bobby Crosby's graphic novel.
It only feels like a movie inspired by “Married at First Sight” on the Lifetime Channel.
Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Owen Wilson, Maluma, Sarah Silverman, Chloe Coleman
Directed by: Kat Coiro
Other: A Universal Pictures theatrical release. In theaters and on Peacock. Rated PG-13 for language and suggestive material. 112 minutes