Grief doesn't quit; coping methods may help you manage it

After a wonderful festive season and new year, here we are in 2022. And many of us were reminded how difficult holidays can be when you've lost a dear spouse, partner, child, sibling or friend. Because they were not here to celebrate with us. However, I managed and I know many others did too.

Recently, a perceptive friend said, "There is nothing you can say to take away the pain and grief."

I'm afraid that's true for most. Unfortunately grief is something a person must do for themselves, to a great extent.

Basically, it's a process of learning how to manage our grief. And it's so personal and individual.

Mainly it's about learning how to cope with grief, which is different depending on the circumstances of the death and circumstances of the bereaved.

So it's worth remembering some possible elements of coping that may help:

• Social isolation is usually the enemy of a person in grief. It's important to stay in touch with friends and family, and activities when you can, and when safe. Even if you don't feel like it, try. There may be nothing friends can say to take away the grief, but they can be supportive and listen. That helps a lot.

So try to be "out there" in the neighborhood and community. This may be especially difficult again this winter because of the increased precautions and risks with the new COVID variants, and with the stalled progress on vaccinations and low participation in boosters. I'm personally back to being quite cautious, and I was over Christmas and the new year as well.

• I try to think of the good times. Not to suppress grief but to give balance and feel better.

• I actively try to remember good advice that I've gotten in the past from my beloved Baheej and from others who have faced their own grief.

• I try to keep up good habits, mostly. And a nice daily routine. Some routine and structure helps.

• It's good to stay open to new ideas and new friends. Old friends are a treasure but new ones are, also. New friends know us starting from our current lives and that can help support your new situation. At least that's what I've experienced.

So the point is: Most of us find a path to manage our grief. It may take a while, but there is a path. It does take some effort and determination. We usually have more inner strength than we know. But we can cope and find that path - and a hopeful way to start the new year.

And there are still surprises out there. I got one recently - an email message from the ISS, International Institute of Social Studies in The Hague, Holland. She wanted some information on Baheej for their records. He went to graduate school there. It was like a nice voice from the past. The communications director had seen my December column where I had mentioned the ISS and saw my email. So she wrote to me! It's proof that there are still little surprises out there.

Happy New Year!

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.