New approaches for the upcoming holidays
Most families have holiday traditions, or habits. Such as, where the holiday dinner is held, who cooks what, what dishes are served, what time of day, who is invited or expected, how to decorate, and on and on. Baheej and I certainly did, both growing up and in our own family after marriage.
He loved holidays. But Baheej is not here anymore. Nevertheless, I have pretty much kept up the same traditions and menus.
However, it may be worthwhile to rethink some our usual holiday habits. And bereavement can slow you down. Especially if your family lives far away (as mine does) and is not traveling these days. Is it time to reconsider what to do, what to cook, and so on. Or if you are lucky and your family is close by, maybe it's time for the next generation to take over the hosting and cooking.
As for me, I have, indeed, been rethinking all of this. Especially as the big holiday season is approaching - Thanksgiving, then Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, then New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.
Even if I don't usually dwell on age, I do realize we've all gotten older and perhaps do not have quite the strength or energy as in years past. This is true for most everyone to some degree - because everyone gets older every year! So I've been thinking - what is doable for me this holiday season? Is it time for some changes? Perhaps lower key. Less elaborate.
I'm a great believer in the positive power of happy holiday traditions, and special holiday cooking, of course. So I always will decorate and celebrate, but perhaps with some modifications.
In talking with my sister-in-law in New Hampshire recently, I learned she is going to make Cornish hens for dinner this Thanksgiving instead of a stuffed turkey. Now there's an idea! It's just going to be the two of them, and my brother-in-law doesn't really like turkey, so they don't need a big turkey. I think I'll do that. It's a good idea. Special but easy and modest.
I haven't bought a turkey yet so there is still time to switch to “plan B.” I'm not really up to roasting a heavy, whole turkey anymore, so Cornish hens for Thanksgiving dinner sounds great. We shall see.
Another idea is to have a local restaurant or grocery roast the turkey. Many do this these days, so people don't need to do it all at home. The store can even do all the side dishes if one wishes them to do so. And you can just pick it up. Or probably some stores even deliver. That would simplify everything. Some restaurants serve a nice sit-down Thanksgiving dinner in their regular dining rooms.
One year my friend, Diane, and I went out to a local restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner. It was fun and we were surprised how many families were there instead of cooking at home. Some were multigenerational families. Some couples. Many working people don't have time to cook. It was an interesting and relaxing dinner.
So I am also looking ahead to Christmas; naturally there will be gifts and decorations, music and special treats, but more in proportion to my current life. Our own children are spread out across the country and abroad. I'm not traveling until this pandemic is more under control, so cooking can be more modest - festive but not overdone. I'll have to give some thought to this because my usual menu is a standing rib roast and a leg of lamb and lots of side dishes. I have some ideas on how to celebrate without all that. But first Thanksgiving!
So the point is: I'm developing a holiday plan for this year that fits my current lifestyle, both personal and in balance with what's going on around me. We've gotten pretty good at being on our own during this prolonged pandemic. So I can do this and still have a nice holiday season!
Everything doesn't have to be exactly the same as in past years. In the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving next week! It is coming up fast.
Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.