Snow and wind by the window, and pecan pie in the kitchen
We never know what sensations will comfort us, especially when bereaved.
As I've often said, thank goodness for recollections from childhood. They can be called up when needed. So can just the sensation or feelings. No matter what season it is now (of course it's not winter here … yet), I can fondly recall snowy nights as a child.
When I was a teenager, starting from age 11, my bedroom had two windows and a sun porch — and the head of my bed was right up against, and just below, one of those windows. First I finished my homework. Then late at night when the northern Minnesota snow and winds were blowing, I could hear the wind softly howling and snow hitting the glass. It was a soothing sound because the house was very sturdy and was safe and warm.
I still remember the sounds and sensation of that now. It was my time to relax, nothing to do all night. When I was young I felt the morning was ages away, and I could just relax for many hours.
Luckily my bed today is also up against a window; a nice coincidence, and this is also sturdy house. But I can still hear the muffled weather outside. And we certainly have lots of wind and snow here in northern Illinois. (And thunderstorms, too.) So I still feel that sensation from childhood some nights. Nice.
I think if one spends lots of time alone, maybe retired or bereaved or an empty-nester, childhood sensations can come flooding back.
Sensations are similar yet different from memories. They are more of a feeling rather than a visual replay, at least that's how it is for me. But I think they are equally important and comforting.
As a child, I just fell asleep listening to the wind, and I slept soundly until morning. Now sometimes I get up and look out various windows to see what's happening, or check the weather report! But that's OK. Everything in its own time.
These days, I need to be sure my kitties aren't too frightened. Coffee Cat is especially afraid of noisy storms. Not me — unless there's a tornado warning! Sometimes I give the kitties a little midnight snack.
And this wind and snow sound is not the only comforting sensation. There are others. For instance, I loved sitting on the kitchen counter watching my mother make pecan pie. I still love pecan pie. It brings back a fun and cozy feeling. Pecan pie is one of the few baked desserts I know how to make. I brought one to my husband on our first date.
As a child, my only part in the baking was to watch and stir the bowl of the electric mixer for the 15 minutes it took to whip the pecan pie batter into a frothy foam. It was a nice sensation just sitting on the kitchen counter watching Mom make the pie crust. She was a great baker. She usually had some homemade bread in the oven — wonderful smell.
The point is: In my experience, there are certain sensations and sounds from childhood that are very helpful and soothing in adulthood, especially when bereaved. Now we have time to think and reflect, I guess. And we can call on them when we wish. So I do. And it helps.
• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.