A notebook to preserve precious memories for future generations

Many of us have noticed that when our children or grandchildren get older, about their early 20s, some get curious about the family history and the family “tree.”

It's usually too late for them to know some of the relatives — sometimes even grandparents and, of course, great grandparents, great aunts and great uncles. Sometimes children are very young when their grandparents die.

Well, a thoughtful reader told me what she's been doing to help fill in the void. I think it's a great idea. Create a “notebook” describing the personal qualities of your dear spouse, partner, sibling, parent or friend, so a new generation will be able to understand more about who that person was.

Describe their personal qualities, accomplishments and role they played in your life and in the family. These personal details disappear over time as future generations get further away.

These notebooks can become part of the family history, focused on the personal qualities and personalities of specific individuals. They can include photos, but not just photos. You'll need to write a narrative — the details one remembers and tells when looking at family albums. Write down not just who this loved one was, but what they were like, their values, their contributions to the family and community.

This is information not listed in a family tree. Such a notebook is really a personal profile. Think of how helpful this would be for a grandchild or anyone in the new generation.

It reminds me of a Khleif family history book that my dear Baheej's family kept over the generations; it documented the people in the family going back many generations and included a lot of the family history, traditions and stories.

This idea of an individual notebook goes even beyond that to describe the personal qualities of a particular person — a full personal profile. It includes your own descriptions but also can include memories and stories other relatives remember about the person.

For instance, in a notebook about my dear husband Baheej, I could recount all his many fine qualities, including his kindness, curiosity, joyfulness, vast intelligence. How much he cared for family, spoke three languages fluently, was a great friend and adviser not only to me, but to friends, children, grandchildren and his students. Write down real examples so your notebook becomes much more than a family tree or a resume.

The point is: Family history and details about specific people get lost over time unless someone writes it down. This notebook idea is a wonderful one.

This is not hard to do, and can be added to over time. I will start with my dear Baheej. He was such a special person. Our grandchildren and nephews are the last generation that knew him well, personally, and were so attached to him.

So I should get busy. Then my own parents, siblings, and my own grandparents, uncles and aunts. A lot of notebooks. This will be fun to do.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.