Surrounded by empty serving platters during a pandemic

I am surrounded.

Baheej and I used to entertain a lot. We enjoyed cooking and having friends over — dinner parties, brunches, barbecues, holiday celebrations. So we have lots of table settings, serving platters, serving bowls, glassware, enough seating and all the paraphernalia for hosting. Baheej loved to entertain and be with our friends.

Now I'm surrounded by unused serving platters and bowls, a constant reminder of the current predicament.

After Baheej died, I continued cooking and entertaining. After a few months, I started having midday Sunday dinners for a big group of friends from September to December 2012, as I remember. This was very comforting. But eventually our friends could not devote Sundays to these dinners. They had to get on with their own holiday preparations.

I still gave occasional dinner parties and brunches and hosted other gatherings — up until March when we all curtailed our social lives because of the coronavirus. I really miss having friends over for meals and little parties.

I have lots of open shelves in the dining room and also another big table in the kitchen, so there are lots of places for putting platters and other serving pieces and glassware. So now, all around me, I see these unused objects: pedestal cake plates, tiered pastry dessert trays, large serving platters, soup tureens, pretty water pitchers, covered vegetable bowls, rows of wine and water glasses on the shelves, and on and on — all with happy memories. And all at the ready, but no guests.

The approaching holiday season, with Thanksgiving and the great December-January holidays, is rapidly approaching. I won't be hosting or attending group gatherings and dinners this year. The holidays will be a different and bigger problem than those of us who are bereaved have faced so far during the pandemic.

This realization made me look around the house and become very aware of all these unused platters and serving pieces. And an internal alarm bell went off in my head and heart. As for many people, these holidays have been an important part of my life.

What to do? I have been thinking about this since I got up this morning.

My first line of defense is to build holidays into my new winter 2020-21 “everyday life” plan. So far, this is what I have decided to do:

1. I will celebrate each holiday even though I am the only one here (with my kitties.)

2 I will decorate the house for every holiday, the same way I usually do. I've already done so for Halloween and now have put out more fall decorations. I will decorate for Thanksgiving. This is very important for cheer and household atmosphere. But there is a big box of ceramic turkeys and pumpkins I cannot find. Oh well, I will keep looking and will improvise.

3. I will cook all the traditional seasonal and holiday meals. Food is a big part of holiday celebrations and I'm looking forward to preparing and enjoying the favorites. If I cook too much, I will freeze the leftovers. For instance, leftover turkey freezes well!

4. I will deliver usual holiday treats and gifts to family and friends who would normally be here in person.

5. I will stay in touch with family and friends as much as possible, stepping up my email, phone calls, cards and letters.

6. I will dig into family albums and online photo files to reflect on previous holidays and know that eventually we will all be together in person at future holidays.

So the point is: I'm not giving up on holidays this year, and I will try to make them good days, the best I can. And I will use many of those empty serving platters surrounding me to serve myself! I think I'll enjoy that and feel my dear Baheej would approve.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com.