Pace yourself and don't create unnecessary stress

Some people, especially these days, feel they don't have enough to do. However, my days are strangely packed notwithstanding retirement and continued “at home” quarantine. Now that summer is in full bloom, there are even more options to be busy.

There are nice options like being outside more and sitting with friends on the front porch (with social distance of course)!

I start every day with a long “to do” list and usually only accomplish half of it. My personal approach is this: I do as much as I can without being stressed or harried. But only so much can be crammed in one day. Tomorrow is perfectly OK for many items on the list.

This is a simple insight that is helpful in grief, and in long-term grief. It's worth it to “pace ourselves.”

I think this expression comes from marathon races, or maybe horse races. We must save up some energy in reserve for the final stretch. (Not that I've ever run a marathon!) In grief, we are a bit fragile and are sometimes low on energy — or low on motivation.

This is not something many wish to admit, but it's true. So what to do?

I use an approach I actually developed when I was very busy working and constantly traveling on business. It was the sort of traveling that crisscrossed many time zones and, therefore, totally upset the biological clock. Night and day got quite mixed up. This was especially true on my trips to China, Japan, South Asia, India — all long flights, to very distant points.

My husband Baheej and I even paced ourselves with our personal vacation travel. We would only go to one country per trip and stay there and the surrounding region so we could really soak up the local culture, meet the people and enjoy the local food.

The trick is simple: sleep when sleepy, work or sightsee when awake. It's not always necessary to go by the standard local hours of activity, such as work, rest, eat and sleep. Of course, we all need a required amount of sleep, but work and other activities can be done earlier or later by local time, if needed.

So that's what I still do. I work when awake and energetic. I sleep or rest when tired. It's no longer because of constant travel, but this approach still applies as a good method for me. I don't worry about it. I think this approach is probably useful for anyone bereaved because our schedules and responsibilities have now changed a lot. The day often feels a little upside down.

And remember: We no longer need to get everything done right now, or at a certain time. This should have a calming effect and reduce stress. When more people were in the household, or more friends were coming by, you wanted to have everything set, such as meals or snacks prepared, etc. But now, there's more leeway.

The coronavirus means friends are not dropping in as often, so you do not have to be “at the ready” all the time. So it is …

Maybe you are not even hungry at the usual lunch or dinner time! It doesn't matter. The dishwasher from yesterday's supper or today's lunch could be loaded tomorrow, not necessarily today. That's what I mean by “pace yourself.” And this applies to all your other tasks and projects. Some of it can wait.

I have noticed people who are successful at working from home (instead of the traditional office) have learned how to pace themselves. They have regular start and stop times. They take lunch breaks. They go for a walk at noon. They do not let work consume them 24/7, which is a danger when working from home. They have set up a private and peaceful work space. They keep a normal work routine.

The point is: Whatever your method or reason, it's important to pace yourself so you don't create self-imposed stress. There's enough real stress out there! Even those “me time” breaks throughout a busy day of tasks, projects, errands and obligations can serve as a healthy pacing tactic. Happy summer!

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.