Tackling the toddler tantrum

When a child turns 2 or 3, it is common for toddler tantrums, "terrible twos" and "threenagers" to emerge.

Dr. Kenneth Polin, a primary care pediatrician at Lurie Children's Primary Care - Town & Country Pediatrics, shares guidance on what to do when tantrums occur and explains why toddlers often have an "I want it my way" mentality.

"Tantrums are usually on purpose, triggered by a specific situation when toddlers are frustrated and aren't able to communicate their feelings," he says.

Toddlers will be upset if they do not get what they want, and tantrums are an outlet for them to express their frustrations through nonverbal communication.

When tantrums arise, Polin recommends reacting in the following ways:

The less emotion, the better

When a parent or guardian yells or screams during a tantrum, the child may become more upset.

Instead, stay calm and explain, "I'm sorry that won't work right now," or give them a reasonable alternative, such as "Go play, and come back when you're ready."

Do not be your child's best friend

"I always tell parents, tantrums are like trying to get rid of a big Broadway show, and if nothing happens, then it's best to just walk away and don't give in," explains Polin.

Reinforcements should not be given because they can lead to children expecting they will get their way all the time. In the midst of a tantrum, always make sure the child is safe and never give him or her an audience.

Toddlers tend to act up around parents than in public because they feel more comfortable letting their hair down. "This is actually good because it shows they can hold it together when they need to," he says.

Understand your child's developmental learning

It is best to talk through outbursts, only if a child can comprehend the conversation.

Parents can ask the child, "Why are you mad or sad, what's bothering you"? If the child is not big enough to talk, parents can hold him or her and express, "I hope you're feeling better."

To discipline, Polin suggests for children below 18 months, distract them and say, "No." Children who are 18 months and older, give timeouts, a minute per age, or a verbal warning that says, "Please don't do this because ____."

Also, parents can bring them to a neutral corner, hold them in place and explain what they did wrong.

Although tantrums can cause embarrassment and worry, Polin says they can get better with age, if properly handled. If tantrums begin to disrupt the family dynamic, seek help from your pediatrician and, if needed, a psychologist.

"The key to dealing with toddler tantrums is being consistent and reasonable with your response, no matter if you're the parent or baby sitter. Don't give in because the child will eventually seek another means of communication."

• Children's health is a continuing series. This week's article is courtesy of Lurie Children's Hospital. For additional information, visit luriechildrens.org.