Discipline that works: Advice on positive strategies to influence children's behavior

Ask a room full of adults how to handle a child's bad behavior, and you will get a rainbow of answers. Parents across generations have tried timeouts, reasoning, yelling and even spanking.

What do pediatricians recommend?

The American Academy of Pediatrics encourages parents to use discipline strategies, not physical or verbal punishments to stop unwanted behaviors in children and teens.

Teaching children to recognize and control their behavior is an important job for the adults in their lives. How adults respond to a child's behaviors has lasting effects on their development, according to the AAP. It shapes how the child thinks, behaves, feels and interacts with others. It also teaches the child how to behave as an adult.

Discipline teaches kids what is acceptable. When children are taught how to control their behaviors, they learn how to avoid harm.

Punishment might work fast to stop bad behavior. But it is not effective over time, according to the AAP.

Corporal (physical) punishment also does not work. The AAP is against physical punishment in and outside of school.

Most parents do not support use of spanking as a discipline strategy, and studies back them up. Physical punishment can encourage future aggressive behaviors in children. In other words, children who were disciplined physically, often resort to physical methods to resolve their own conflicts.

So instead of physical punishment, the AAP urges parents to use healthy discipline methods for children and teens.

• Catch them being good. Praising good behavior supports a child's effort to control his behavior. So, when your child picks up his toys after being asked, take time to reinforce good behavior by offering praise for following directions.

• Be a role model for good behavior. Don't yell and fight to resolve conflict. Instead discuss the situation as calmly as possible or take a timeout to let the situation cool off before talking further.

• Set limits and expectations. Providing children with clear cut expectations for behavior makes it more likely that they will meet those expectations. Consistency is also important — keep the rules the same so your child knows what is expected of her.

• Ignore bad behavior or redirect your child away from the bad behavior. Timeouts can work well to remove a child from a problem situation and give him time to consider his behavior. Unless your child is in a dangerous situation, sometimes it can be helpful to ignore bad behavior, such as whining or begging. It shows that bad behavior doesn't reap the wanted attention from a parent.

• Apply natural consequences. If your child intentionally throws a toy and it breaks, he will no longer have that toy to play with. Most children learn quickly that that type of behavior doesn't bring rewards.

Part of positive discipline is to learn from your own mistakes as well. Parents do make mistakes, so remember that as a parent, you can give yourself a time out if you feel out of control. Just make sure your child is in a safe place, and then give yourself a few minutes to take a few deep breaths, relax or call a friend. When you are feeling better, go back to your child, hug each other, and start over.

If you do not handle a situation well the first time, try not to worry about it. Think about what you could have done differently and try to do it the next time.

If you feel you have made a real mistake in the heat of the moment, wait to cool down, apologize to your child, and explain how you will handle the situation in the future. Be sure to keep your promise. This gives your child a good model of how to recover from mistakes.

If you feel like your child's behavior is out of the ordinary or that your child may have a behavior problem, you should speak with your pediatrician.

For more information on positive discipline techniques, and tips on implementing them, visit HealthyChildren.org.

• Children's Health is a continuing series. This week's article is courtesy of the American Academy of Pediatrics in Itasca.