Death of a pet can be devastating

Many people consider their pets part of the family, so the death of a beloved pet is very sad and can be the cause of long-term grief.

Our pets have ways of burrowing into our affections with their funny ways, whether a dog, cat, rabbit, guinea pig, horse or another type of animal. Pets provide comfort, companionship and stress-relief. For dogs, they get you out for daily walks.

I know people who still cry when they talk of their deceased pet. Within the last couple years, many of my own family and friends have lost pets.

My sister lost two lovely dogs, Stella and Tommy, within one year. My dear friend lost two cats, both darlings, Chablis and Cognac. Another friend lost her last cat, Elizabeth Brown Ears.

I would personally be devastated if anything happened to my kitties, but they are only 6 years old and totally inside cats, so I hope for a long life.

Readers have written me with many heartwarming and heartbreaking stories about grief over the death of their pets. One reader lost his beloved dog six months after his father died. A hard hit. He started a website to console others about the loss of a pet.

Another recently wrote to me to tell of how sad her sister is over the death of her loved German shepherd. Yet another wrote to tell me how the spirit of her mother's beloved dog Farley showed up at her mother's dying bedside.

Farley had died two days earlier, but her mother didn't know that, and was leaning down petting him and saying, "How nice of you to bring Farley to visit me."

Another wrote of how she got a labradoodle two years after a tragic death in the family, and what comfort and joy and fun the dog has brought into their lives.

What to do when a beloved pet passes?

Well, one can use some of the same coping methods that help with human losses:

• Get out old photos and have them around you.

• Be active, not isolated.

• Remember the happy times.

• Talk about your loss with friends, who may have had the same experience.

• Empathize with friends about pets they have lost.

• Consider getting another pet (this can be a somewhat controversial and complicated thing).

There are a lot of different views on that last piece of advice, but I don't mean one should try to "replace" the lost pet.

My own sister was so used to having a dog in the house that a few months after her dogs died she realized she very much missed having a pet. She wasn't looking to "replace" her lost ones, but just to bring a dog back into the house.

So she got a cute-faced, curly puppy, Vinny, and brought him home.

If you do want a new pet, consider looking at one of the animal shelter/adoption groups in the area. There are so many sweet pets out there in the shelters needing a home.

So, the point is - it's good to be aware that people grieve over their pets and pets grieve over their lost humans. My kitties are quite attached to me, not just me to them, so I've left some provisions for them in my will.

Just being aware that people grieve over their beloved pets might help people around you, or help you understand yourself.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a Ph.D. in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College, and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com.