Let yourself be amused by those funny things in life
A special way to lift your spirits if you are experiencing long-term grief after the death of a parent, friend, child, spouse, grandparent, or other cherished relative is to allow yourself to be amused.
Many things are amusing in everyday life - family, pets, children, movies … lots of things.
My husband was open to being amused and spreading cheer to people around him. This rubbed off on me, an enriching quality.
Most stand-up comedians rely on everyday life for their amusing material - people, daily news, politics, human foibles. We can too. Just look around, such funny things are all about.
There is a long list of amusing things around you: animals inside the house and out in the yard, people, movies, children, people in restaurants, even family members. Everyday life.
Earlier this year, in fact the day after Easter, I was in a drugstore picking up a couple items, and there were two lines at the cash registers. A guy came along and just cut in front of all of us, and went directly to the clerk. So I smiled at the person behind me. She said, "It's the day after Easter so I'm still trying to keep my promises." And I said, "Who cares? He has no clue."
Just another human foible. Better for yourself to smile than get angry.
My husband Baheej had a great ability to be amused, and it showed on his happy face. He was 14 years older but looked my age. There you go.
I have a great photo of him finding and eating Nazareth-type stuffed squash on a trip to Brazil. He crossed into Paraguay and stayed in a hotel where they had a Mediterranean cook. So he had the squash mashi, (stuffed with rice and lamb meat). And I have a photo of him with that amused smile on his face, as he had been served the squash, and was about to eat it.
He found fun things everywhere and enjoyed all the things about life. That taught me a lot. Even though I am a naturally positive person, I got even more positive after 44 years with my dear husband.
Pets are another great source of entertainment and amusement. I am amused daily by my two sweet kitties, Sheba and Coffee Cat - by their antics and demands for affection. And I know lots of friends who enjoy and are entertained by their sweet pets, cats and dogs.
Maybe you have a parent, grandparent, uncle or friend who really knows how to enjoy the little things, who smiles with amusement at them. My advice is to let those folks rub off on you.
Positive feelings, amusement, and enjoying funny and cute moments makes us all healthier, happier, and more able to manage long long-term grief.
• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a Ph.D. in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College, and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com.