Grammar Moses: Tackling portmanteaus, eliminating extraneous words

Portmanteau words are those that are created from blending other words - both in sound and meaning.

"Smog," for instance, is a mashup of smoke and fog.

While I assume most portmanteaus are created on purpose, I occasionally hear a new one tumble from someone's lips by chance.

This week, it was "bawdry."

I was speaking with a member of our advertising department who was describing something that was, well, rather sketchy.

Turns out his word was the unintended marriage of "bawdy" and "tawdry."

He looked embarrassed, so I told him I wouldn't use his name. But I think it's pretty clever. Certainly more clever than "Kimye."

'Too many notes'

My favorite scene in "Amadeus" is the one in which Mozart asks the king whether he enjoyed his new composition. After much hemming and hawing, the king finally says, "Your work is ingenious. It's quality work. And there are simply too many notes. That's all. Just cut a few, and it'll be perfect."

This is a conversation I could have with every writer at this newspaper.

I should say it into a mirror, while I'm at it.

People with whom you converse and people with whom we converse through this newspaper are busy people. Everyone wants us to get to the point.

Neil Holdway, our assistant managing editor/copy desk, is a guy who knows as well as anyone that extraneous words weigh down stories, and extraneous passages in stories prevent other stories from getting into the paper.

Out of the blue this week, he emailed me: "I've already seen 'is situated on' twice today."

Neil knows how that gets under my skin.

He found another offender in this sentence: Located at 1720 N. Candy Cane Lane, the 71,248-square-foot building is situated on about 7 acres."

Ach!

"Located at" is another space waster.

The sentence, minus the waste, should read: "The 71,248-square-foot building at 1720 N. Candy Cane Lane is on about 7 acres.

Two other space wasters are "which was" and "who was."

"Ten people participated in the orderly protest, which was organized by so and so."

Remove "which was" and you'll make the sentence shorter - and better.

Meetings too long

Stephanie Heavey of Palatine wrote to razz me about a photo caption in a recent edition.

It read: "District 15 Superintendent Scott Thompson shows a map of where the district is proposing to build two new schools during a Daily Herald editorial board meeting in August."

Our editorial board meetings only seem that long.

"If two schools can be built during a Daily Herald editorial board meeting," she wrote, "think your staff can make a few deals to coordinate editorial board meetings and road construction?"

Touche, Stephanie.

It should have read: "District 15 Superintendent Scott Thompson shows a map of where the district proposed - during a Daily Herald editorial board meeting in August - to build two new schools."

Strike that. Too many notes!

I'd cut a few and simply write: "District 15 Superintendent Scott Thompson shows a map of where the district proposes to build two schools."

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/managing editor of the Daily Herald. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com. Put Grammar Moses in the subject line.