Animated 'Bling' more shine than substance
In "Bling," a South Korean production from the DigiArt company, all problems and conflicts are solved by violence within a thin plot of nonsensical, nonstop mayhem involving car chases, aerial pursuits and zillions of projectiles fired by helmeted minions with terrible aim.
The animated futuristic kids fantasy wastes no time in establishing its spiritually bankrupt, materialistic philosophy on romance and manhood.
As a little kid, Sam makes a ring out of can pop-tops for Sue, the object of his puppy dog affections.
Sue's wealthy Aunt Catherine (Carla Gugino) tells Sam, "If you want to marry a Whittington girl, you have to be a great man, and a great man gives great rings!"
Sam (Taylor Kitsch) grows up to be a mechanic at the RoboWorld amusement park in Cosmo City. Sue (Jennette McCurdy) grows up to be a TV reporter there.
With Valentine's Day looming, Sam recruits his three superhero robots Okra (Tom Green), Kit (Jason Mewes) and Wilmer (Jon Heder) -- resembling a monkey, a pig and a frog with floppy ears -- to create spectacular, stupidly intricate ways for Sam to propose to Sue.
These invariably backfire, leaving shallow Sue in a snit.
The plot kicks in as incessantly cackling super villain Oscar (Jason Kravits) creates a giant robot to destroy Cosmo City if Aunt Catherine spurns his offer of marriage.
Oscar's chief enforcer, a mustachioed robot named Victor (James Woods), unexpectedly becomes the movie's most sympathetic character, one hungry for friendship and validation for his obedience and loyalty to his uncaring boss.
This superficial, thoughtless comedy is so devoid of emotion, empathy and honesty that it earned the following assessment in a "User Review" at imdb.com:
"Children, especially those who have yet to be fully potty trained, may find this movie partially amusing. Then again, they may just throw their poo at you and ask for something intelligent."
Opens at the Streets of Woodfield in Schaumburg. Rated PG. 82 minutes.