Parents as respectful witnesses as child's gender unfolds

Eleven years ago, I moved back to my native town of Arlington Heights to raise my children and teach private music lessons. When my oldest child was two years old, she told me her truth, and our family began an amazing transformation.

Her truth was that she was a girl in a boy's body. I listened and watched as she embraced her true self over the next six years. I followed her lead as she dressed in girl's clothing, grew her hair long, and was labeled as a "pink boy" or a "boy who liked girl things."

Back in 2004, there was not a lot of information out about gender creative children - an expression of gender that is fluid, mixed or does not easily fit into either of the gender categories, male or female. I did not know the terms transgender - referring to a person whose gender identity or gender expression does not match the gender assigned at birth - or cisgender - referring to a person whose gender identity or expression matches the gender assigned at birth.

I did not understand my child's process, but I accepted it. I was fascinated by her authenticity. By the time she was 8 years old, she decided that she wanted to change her name and go to third grade as a girl.

Then one night at bedtime, she told me sadly that she felt like she was "the only child in the world like this." I realized that I needed to create a supportive network. The next day the idea for "Pinwheels" was born.

Pinwheels is a support group for families with gender creative children. We meet monthly to build relationships, share resources and offer support to one another. Currently, our children range in age from 4 to 18 years old. As parents, we have found that our families all struggle with similar issues.

At Pinwheels, the children make friends and find themselves in a safe place to express themselves. For example, parents have found support through battles with school administrators, insurance companies and even unaccepting family members.

We are actively advocating for our children in today's society. We are not asking for special treatment; just equal treatment. I often say to educators, "My child may be the first but not the last."

Meanwhile, our children have been exploring ways to best express themselves. Every day, they wake up in bodies that don't match the gender they feel they are on the inside. They are constantly rejected, harassed, and bullied, yet they continue to live their truth.

And as parents, we are continually inspired by their resilience.

This summer I marveled at the large turnout for our Pinwheels picnic. We have come so far from our beginning in 2011 with just two families. We had veteran families greeting new families. Some had driven more than an hour to be a part of the event.

It was a celebration of our milestones and triumphs. A new member told me that being a part of Pinwheels made them feel as if they were part of a new family.

Then someone noticed a cicada making its way out of its cocoon. It was perfectly poised on a tree in the center of everything.

Parents and children gathered around in fascination to view this remarkable moment. They went back to the party, only to be drawn back to quietly watch its progress.

There was a sacred silence around the tree. No one tried to help the cicada or hurry it, rather we all honored it taking all the steps necessary to get to the next stage of its journey.

This cicada was in the right place for its transformation; it was surrounded by respectful witnesses. Turns out we had been respectful witnesses all along.

Lorena Cory is a single mother of three children, private vocal coach, church youth choir director and activist as founder and facilitator of Pinwheels. To find out more about Pinwheels, go to meetup.com.