A mom’s point of view: Best gifts come from the heart — with no expiration
When it comes to giving gifts, people have different ideas about what makes a good one.
My friend, Gina, received a surprise puppy for her birthday from her husband. As in a baby puppy, to go with the dog they already have. She told her husband that if he had wanted a divorce he should have just asked her for one.
Many companies give rewards and gifts as a way of thanking their customers for their business. One of our favorite restaurants now gives random free food items when you swipe your card; only you don’t get to choose what the free item is. I still can’t decide if this really counts as a gift. Sometimes I’m awarded a cookie, or a free coffee, which I enjoy. For a month or so, I had a free breakfast soufflé on my card, but I seldom eat breakfast at this restaurant. It drove me crazy knowing I had a free meal coming to me, and when I was awarded a free breakfast sandwich as well, I couldn’t resist. I decided to take my daughters out for a lovely breakfast, but when I swiped my card, my free rewards had expired. Some gift.
We are also offered gifts through the mail, such as daily planners and tote bags, and all we have to do is pay for shipping and handling, which turns out to be a little more than the value of the free gift. Years ago, my father-in-law ordered an electric fireplace for us for two reasons: our family room is cold in the winter and he can’t turn down a good deal. The fireplace was free; all he had to do was pay for the genuine Amish mantel plus shipping, which came to about $380.
Finding the right gift can be a challenge. One approach is to buy others what we would like to receive. This works well if the person you are getting the gift for has similar tastes and interests as you, but not so much if you collect Precious Moments figurines and your friends don’t. And for those hard-to-buy-for people who seem to have everything, gift cards save both the giver and the recipient valuable time.
Though we don’t like to admit it, sometimes gift-giving becomes less about the person we are buying for and more about how the gift we choose will reflect on us. Depending on the person we are giving to, we may feel pressured to go beyond our means and spend more than we can afford.
When my kids first started school, most of the children brought individual gifts for their teachers for Christmas and end-of-the-year. Some very smart and thoughtful parents started the trend of pooling the money and giving a gift card from the entire class. I would imagine that teachers, who by that time probably had cupboards full of “world’s greatest teacher” coffee mugs, were thrilled to receive such useful gifts.
And yet every year, increasing numbers of us who have already given money for the class gift bring our individual gifts of plants, candles, homemade treats and trinkets to offer the teachers. I don’t doubt good intentions, but I can’t help but wonder if this is part of another growing trend called “it’s not enough.” This is what makes us run out a couple of days before Christmas to get “just a few more things” because we don’t think what we have already chosen is enough. Because we feel we need to do more.
The most meaningful gift I ever received was from my grandmother. I came home from college one year at Christmas, completely broke, and she handed me an envelope with cash inside. She had baked and sold cookies and loaves of her scrumptious zucchini bread at the seniors’ bake sale, and she wanted me to have the money. The real gift was not the money, or the fact that she had baked all those goodies with me in mind. It was what she said when she gave me the envelope.
“I knew it would be hard for you this year, not having money to buy gifts for your family, so I want you to have this.” The real gift was the knowing. She knew me well, and I felt loved.
Kids are great gift givers. From early on, they give what they can, and they give from their hearts. Hugs, kisses, colored pictures and notes. Our oldest daughter gives my husband and me coupons for free sister-sitting. Our middle daughter recently gave me a breaking news story she typed on her typewriter, a creative expression of her appreciation and love. And not long ago, my youngest daughter left her white board on my pillow: a love note written in dry erase marker.
Over time our children will learn our culture’s gift-giving guidelines: expensive brand-names are better, what you’ve got is never enough, and just use your credit card and figure out how to pay for it later. But before that happens, maybe we can learn from them. Maybe we can learn to give what we can, to give from the heart, and to know that it is enough.
ŸBecky Baudouin lives in the Northwest suburbs with her husband, Bernie, their three daughters and their new puppy, Lila. She blogs regularly at beckyspen.blogspot.com.