A mom’s point of view: Outsourcing parenting: Knowing when to step back
Is it bad parenting to offer to pay your older child $10 to teach your younger child how to ride a two-wheeler? I know a woman who did this, and I was tempted at first to judge her for being a lazy parent. Aren’t moms and dads supposed to teach their kids these things? What’s next — hiring a professional to potty train your toddler? (There are actually freelance potty trainers out there, and parents who hire them.) But the more I became understood the reasons behind her decision to outsource this task the less inclined I was to criticize her. She had tried, unsuccessfully, to teach her daughter to ride her bike. In her defense, it is very hard on a mature person’s back to run alongside a balance-impaired child on a miniature bike, holding her up. This is much easier for a shorter whippersnapper who is closer to the ground and has less wear and tear on her joints. Besides, what young person would not be motivated to earn an easy 10 bucks? Apparently both of my daughters, who declined my generous offer. I finally found a taker when my daughter’s friend enthusiastically accepted the challenge. Yes, the woman I inwardly criticized was me.
This concept of involving other people in raising our kids is not a bad one. I tried to teach my older girls to play the piano, but getting them to practice and being disciplined with lessons proved to be harder than I expected. I now realize that hiring a piano teacher would be a better way to go.
Last fall, when my oldest daughter was contemplating quitting dance after eight years of lessons and recitals, I had her call her older cousin, who was a serious dancer for many years. The two of them talked it over, and my daughter decided to take a semester off, then pick it up again later in the year.
When my preteen daughter was upset over a school-related situation, I listened and did my best to empathize, but then enlisted the help of her sister. The girls talked late into the night — private conversations, the details of which I will never know. I went to bed content that night knowing that by stepping back and allowing someone else to step in, my daughter received what she needed most — a friend who understood.
As much as I care about every aspect of my daughters’ lives, I cannot be everything to them; I am not always the best person for the job. Involving people I trust who are good role models for my kids is an invaluable asset to my parenting. Encouraging my daughters to call a friend or a relative who may be able to relate or offer advice is something I am learning to do more often.
Purple-flowery bike helmet: $20. One can of mosquito spray: $4. Compensating my daughter’s friend, Sarah, for a job well done: $10. Watching my 6-year-old pedal down the sidewalk without her training wheels: priceless.
ŸBecky Baudouin lives in the Northwest suburbs and enjoys taking bike rides with her husband, Bernie, and their three daughters. She blogs regularly at beckyspen.blogspot.com.