Mom’s point of view: Enjoying sounds of silence
By Becky Baudouin, Special to the Daily Herald
Over the past several months, my husband and I have had numerous conversations with our kids about cell phones.
Our 12-year-old daughter was not exaggerating at the beginning of the school year when she told us that almost all of the other kids in sixth grade have cell phones. Even our 5-year-old would like one (although I’m not sure who she would actually call). I think our 9-year-old finally accepted the reality that a cell phone was not in her immediate future the day she made a pretend one out of cardboard and magnets. She used the repelling properties of the magnets to create a realistic slide feature, like for texting. Even though our kids would love these gadgets, they don’t really have a need for them, so we’ve decided to hold off for a while.
It’s not that my husband and I planned long ago to be anti-technology parents or that our kids are completely deprived of electronics — they have iPods, access to the Internet and e-mail on our home computer, and a Wii video game system. And we don’t have anything fundamentally against kids having cell phones. But the truth is that my husband and I don’t even really use them ourselves.
Let me explain: My husband used to have a cell phone for work, but when he stopped traveling and started working from home part time, his company decided he didn’t need it anymore. Who were we to argue? Except for the days he drives 6 miles to get to his office, he spends a lot of time at home with the rest of us. And if he does go somewhere and needs a phone, he can use mine. That is, as long as he calls after 9 p.m. on weekdays or on weekends. I’ve tried to upgrade my minutes, but it turns out that I have some sort of an add-on plan that is as old as my phone, which has a pull-up antenna and gets hot if I use it for more than 10 minutes.
We have always stipulated that our cell phone is for emergencies, you know, like if I’m at the grocery store and one of the kids calls to tell me we need pudding, that sort of thing. I maintain contact with the outside world through e-mail, my home phone and the use of a good old-fashioned answering machine. It’s rather uncomplicated. Forms are easier to fill out when you only have one phone number. (Why does my eye doctor need to be able to reach me 24/7 anyway?) Although some of my friends enjoy making fun of me, living mostly “unplugged” has inadvertently created a quality in my life I could use more of — simplicity.
When I am at Mariano’s picking out my tomatoes, my neck is not strained from talking on the phone. I can smile and greet the produce specialist, and maybe even ask a question I’ve had for a while now, “How do they make purple cauliflower?” I can hum along to Phil Collins on the radio, and chat with the cashier at checkout. I have discovered that just because I can multi-task doesn’t mean I have to all the time.
When I’m in my car with my kids or my husband, we talk to each other. If I’m alone, I listen to the radio or sometimes just savor the silence. Someday when I tell my girls not to talk on their cell phones while driving, they won’t reply, “But you talk on your phone while you drive.” And I don’t need to sign Oprah’s no-texting-while-driving pledge, because I don’t text.
Instead of giving our 12-year-old a phone just because most kids her age have one, or making the decision based on whether or not we can afford it, we’ve also asked the question, “How will this benefit her?” And we’ve decided that, at this point in time, she benefits from the simplicity of not having a cell phone. Our kids’ lives are full with school, extracurricular activities, friends and family time. I’ve been around young people who don’t seem to know how to converse with real people standing in front of them, and instead pull out their phones and start texting. I know kids who take their phones to bed with them, texting and Facebooking late into the night. The other day, a girl who appeared to be arguing with someone on her phone stepped right in front of my car without even looking. The irony of modern technology is that it can make our lives simpler and more complicated at the same time.
Maybe part of the reason we’ve decided to delay introducing cell phones, texting, and Facebook to our kids, is that we feel how fast life is already moving and, in many ways, progressing from simple to complex. Like that blinking yellow light in school zones with the sign that says, “Slow down when children are present,” we don’t want to rush. Soon enough things will change, and our daughter will get her phone. We’ll help her to set good limits and use it wisely. And, we might just upgrade our phone while we’re at it.
ŸBecky Baudouin blogs regularly at beckyspen.blogspot.com. She and her husband, Bernie, have three daughters.