Blagojevich reveals trial strategy, holes and all

PLAY, NO PAY: In a modest 287-word statement spoken after being arraigned on newly filed federal corruption charges, former Ill. Gov. Milorad "Rod" Blagojevich used the word "play" a lucky seven times.

"Play the tapes. Play the truth, and play the whole truth... Play the truth, and play the whole truth. Play nothing but the truth. Play the tapes."

But he didn't utter the word "pay" once.

RESUME CHECK: Mr. Blagojevich reminded the public that he was once a member of the fraternity that is now hazing him. "As a former prosecutor-" Blagojevich said after prosecutors hauled him into court to answer to a new and improved version of last year's grand jury indictment.

Blagojevich claiming to be "a former prosecutor" is like Michael Jordan saying he was a "former baseball player."

When he got out of law school, young Milorad was hired help at the Cook County State's Attorney's office. He did the entry-level grunt work and hardly distinguished himself as an assistant state's attorney before sliding right into the honorable field of Chicago politics.

Blagojevich may have played in the same sport as esteemed U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald but he wasn't in the same league.

WORD CHECK: "Today I'm throwing down the gauntlet," Mr. Blago announced to a gantlet of reporters. A gauntlet is an armored glove that fighters threw down in Medieval days to challenge an enemy to a duel. Rod didn't appear to be wearing one.

However, deputy U.S. marshals had constructed a "gantlet" at the courthouse with wooden barricades to keep newshounds from being trampled.

Through Mr. Blagojevich's eyes, though, the gantlet no doubt looked like the red velvet rope line leading into the Oscars.

MUSICAL ATTORNEYS: "Here's what I'm not going to do: I'm not going to hide behind my lawyers" said Blagojevich - who would first have to determine just who his lawyers are.

Since being dragged from a fetal position on his living room floor by the FBI and arrested more than a year ago, the ex-governor has ripped through several of Chicago's top criminal defenders. Most recently, he lost the irreplaceable services of appellate genius Allan Ackerman.

DON'T TREAD ON ME: "The government secretly taped me," Blagojevich said after his arraignment. This will be a common theme of his defense: that the big, bad "G" jerked him around by listening in on phones calls - and if they can do it to him, they can do it to you!

What you didn't hear Mr. Blago say was this: "The government secretly taped me - only after preparing extensive applications for court-authorized wiretaps and the installation of listening devices, convincing a federal judge that there were ample reasons to sign such a court order and then following explicit rules of which conversations could actually be recorded."

I'M NO JACK THE RIPPER: "If this is a crime spree like you claim-" is likely to be in the courtroom chorus of Blagojevich excuses. Blago will hope to convince jurors that one or two missteps does not a spree maketh.

BLESS YOU BLAGO: "I'll testify and swear on the Holy Bible to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth," Mr. Blagojevich proclaimed to reporters.

This could be the smoking gun for federal prosecutors who have long suspected that Blagojevich really didn't do any work as governor.

We all know that he spent most days concealed inside the family's northwest side Chicago home. But nobody has ever been able to figure out what the blazes he was doing in there.

Now, though, by promising to "swear on the Holy Bible," Blagojevich is acknowledging that he was watching reruns of Perry Mason, Boston Legal and other fictional courtroom dramas - because it is only on TV that they still use Holy Bibles to swear in federal witnesses.

When Blago takes the stand, he'll just have to raise his right hand and "swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth."

That means one hand will be free.

I'll be watching to see if his fingers are crossed.

• Chuck Goudie, whose column appears each Monday, is the chief investigative reporter at ABC 7 News in Chicago. The views in this column are his own and not those of WLS-TV. He can be reached by e-mail at chuckgoudie@gmail.com and followed at twitter.com/ChuckGoudie