Final summit on suicide shares Dist. 303 action plan

Bonnie Waltmire closed her eyes, clasped her hands and bowed her head, summoning the invisible hand of her daughter Hillary for the task of sharing her deepest pain and darkest moment. When she returned to her table, she was met with tears and hugs and a sense of understanding and hope.

St. Charles Unit District 303 began a series of four community meetings to explore the pain and darkness of six student suicides in the past seven years in similar pain and darkness about what to do about it. If students experiencing depression or suicidal thoughts return in the fall to hugs and the same sense of understanding and hope Waltmire walked away with about her own daughter's suicide Wednesday night, the district may well be on its way to solving its problems.

The final suicide summit featured an emotional panel of four women who have all lost someone close to them to suicide. They shared an insight that the adults in the school system simply won't be able to solve the suicide problem by themselves. Kids will most often turn to other kids in times of emotional need for understanding, sharing far more than they ever would even with their most trusted adults, the panelists said. Over and over the women said they had no answers about why their sons, daughters and teenage boyfriends killed themselves. Connie Dennis, of Oswego, said her son Matthew was popular at school, active in his local church, making plans for his future and very close to his older sister before he committed suicide.

"We have no clue why," Dennis said. "As a parent, you torture yourself with that question pretty much every day."

The panelists urged everyone to not shun or avoid discussing a suicide event with people grieving the loss.

"I wanted them to ask me about him," said Judy Lehnert, of Aurora, who lost her son, Joe, to suicide. "I wanted to talk about it. That's probably the most important thing for people to realize. Maybe you'll upset the person, but they need to talk about it."

Brianna Nelson lost her boyfriend to suicide while she was just a junior in high school. She urged teens to not ignore the warning signs their friends may share with them.

"Don't take anything lightly," she warned. "If somone tells you that they want to kill themselves, don't take it lightly. Something like that, if you shrug it off and then something happens you get stuck with a lot of guilt."

District 303 has put together an action plan to help make sure none of its previous losses are repeated.

The plan includes more training about depression and suicide for students, parents and staff, beginning as early as sixth grade. Students will also have suicide hotline numbers and information about their guidance departments printed on the back of their school IDs. The idea of recognizing warning signs in their friends and bringing them to the attention of people who can help will be a cornerstone to student training. The district is also looking to contract with Batavia-based Suicide Prevention Services for staff and parent training. A parent advisory group, student Yellow Ribbon groups and a community mental health task force will all be formed to prevent the energy behind the changes from fading. The district will also implement confidential surveys and better use of the Internet and text messaging to tap into the hearts and minds of students.

"You have my committment to completing this," said Superintendent Don Schlomann at the close of the summit. "Whatever it takes, we are going to do that."