A chance to appreciate older friends
They are leaving far too quickly, one by one. Have you paused long enough to hear the whispers of their wisdom? They are our older friends, our elders -- those who possess the knowledge and insight of the past and who have inspired and encouraged us to reach into the future with hope and courage.
Today is Memorial Day, a day set aside to honor those who have died in our nation's service. Taking that cue, perhaps this is also a good day to remember dear friends, some now gone, some still with us, who have added so much to our lives.
I've been lucky -- no, blessed -- to have quite a few older friends. I call it a golden half-generation gift. These are friends too young to have been in my parent's generation, but too old for mine, just a half generation between us. They bridge the gap between any biases I might have concerning my parent's beliefs and challenge the comfort level I have with my own age group. Over the years my older friends have freely shared insights I might have ignored from a parent or peer.
Now as I become established into my 60s, these friends are teaching me how to age with courage, humor and spunk -- how to live fully in the midst of death-defying illnesses. Here then, is my salute to older friends and the lessons they've taught me.
Don't focus on what you can no longer do but rather celebrate what you can do.
A dear friend recently died after surviving a serious stroke that left her paralyzed on one side. Though she was confined to a wheelchair, she was not restrained from life, Shortly after being released from a nursing home, she rented an ambulance to take her to a bookstore and her favorite Chinese restaurant. "Well, I had to buy some gifts and you know how I like bookstores," she explained matter-of-factly. "And my family loves that restaurant; I wasn't going to stay at home and let them have fun without me."
Reach out to others, accept help.
Unable to stand or care for herself, this independent, intelligent woman learned to accept and show great gratitude for caregivers who helped her retain the strength and character that defined her. When she died, her hired caregivers shared how they hadn't just lost a patient, they had lost a mother, too.
Know the strength and usefulness you still possess, even within a frail body.
Once a week, my friend exercised in a health club pool, marveling and delighting in how well her damaged body could function in the water. She also attended a Bible study, sharing her insightful and intelligent perspective and teaching everyone an eloquent lesson on how to live an honest, joyous life.
Laugh, find humor in all things.
My friend had a wicked sense of humor that kept her balanced and fun to be with. She named her paralyzed hand after a frustratingly uncooperative relative and never missed her favorite TV program, "The Simpsons."
Enjoy things but value people.
An avid antique enthusiast, my friend had many collections. But when it came time to give them up when she and her husband moved into a smaller, more manageable home, she did so without regret. At her memorial service, the full church was proof of her most prized collection: her family and friends.
Our youth-centered culture too often ignores older adults' gifts and contributions they bring to our lives. The elderly become invisible, their identities blurred. When they are noticed they are seen as simply old and irrelevant in our busy, productive world. Someone recently described a woman as being in "that nebulous age between 60 and 80." I wondered if that person might someday see the difference and unique gifts within each decade.
Before these gifted souls are no longer with us, look beyond their shrunken frames or diminished vitality and recognize the strengths they still possess. Recognize how friendships with older people can transcend age and ability, encouraging us to simply speak to one another from the heart. See how they still enhance our lives with their unique perspectives, stories and wisdom. Don't wait to decorate their gravesites, but rather honor them today.