'Push' pulls off paranormal mess of bad acting
"Push" thinks we're really stupid.
How stupid?
It replays snippets from the opening sequence three times to make sure we haven't forgotten something that we just saw 30 minutes earlier.
Wait! "Push" thinks we're stupider than that. It flashes back to images we saw three minutes earlier in case we suffer from "Memento" syndrome.
"Push" is one badly mangled paranormal thriller with an impenetrable plot, career-wrecking performances, gratuitous slow-motion shots, migraine-inducing editing, disastrous direction and two Asian henchmen who can scream so loud that it makes people's ears bleed.
And I don't just mean the ones on screen.
"Push" begins with a lazy, voice-over monologue by a lethargic Dakota Fanning, who lays out what the movie is about so screenwriter David Bourla doesn't have to do any expositional heavy lifting.
Those darned Nazis started it by trying to create an army of psychic-powered people.
As Fanning tells us, Pushers can "push" thoughts into other people's heads. Watchers catch glimpses of the future. Sniffers smell objects and "see" their history. Movers can telekinetically move objects. Belchers can produce gas that forces people to laugh themselves to death.
Actually, I made that last one up, but this would be a more interesting film if it had Belchers, I think.
Once the Nazis were whupped in WW II, the government continued the experiments by finding people with psychic powers and injecting them with an enhancement drug that has killed every single one of them.
That might explain why the world hasn't been taken over by psychic armies yet.
A Mover named Nick (Chris Evans) has been on the run from a mysterious entity called "The Division" that hunts down psychics. Henry Carver (Djimon Hounsou), the ruthless Division head, killed Nick's dad and has been tracking Nick for 10 years.
Nick, who could be the worst telekinetic in history - he can't even make dice roll his way in a craps game - runs into a Watcher named Cassie (Fanning), a 13-year-old who swears and drinks booze so it enhances her powers, which consist of her drawing dark pictures of future events.
"I'm getting sick and tired of drawing dead bodies!" Cassie screeches to Nick.
The Division wants to find two things: first, a sick Pusher named Kira (a rung-out Camilla Bell) and second, a mysterious suitcase that Cassie says they must find first, otherwise they will die.
The Division has evil Watchers and Sniffers who track the good Watchers and Movers in what can charitably be called a befuddled mix of David Cronenberg creepiness and Guy Ritchie visual flair.
The Division anticipates every move by Cassie and Nick, until she realizes "They can read our intentions!"
So, Nick concocts an elaborate "plan without planning" requiring the good guys to disorient Carver's psychics by behaving so illogically and randomly that they can't possibly make sense out of their actions.
They can't.
And neither can we.
<p class="factboxheadblack">"Push"</p> <p class="News">One star</p> <p class="News"><b>Starring:</b> Chris Evans, Dakota Fanning, Camilla Belle and Djimon Hounsou</p> <p class="News"><b>Directed by:</b> Paul McGuigan</p> <p class="News"><b>Other:</b> A Summit Entertainment release. Rated PG-13 for language, violence, teen drinking and smoking. 111 minutes</p>