I want that 'spark' back

Q. I am a trim and healthy 65-year-old man. I have been married to my wife for 25 years. She is overweight and has no energy. I am writing because I am concerned about her lack of a sex drive.

She has been on antidepressants for about 10 or 12 years. She blames her lack of energy on her weight and her lack of sex drive on her antidepressants. She has not been to a doctor in years and doesn't even have one. She doesn't get her "happy pills" from a physician, but rather from a friend who works for a doctor.

She refuses to see a physician about anything because she says she is afraid of what a doctor may find wrong with her. She has a good job, and I own my own business. We have insurance and can afford to go to the doctor, so it is not a matter of not being able to.

Her lack of libido is hurting our relationship and our marriage. I love her more than anything or anyone else on earth, and I want us to have a mutually satisfying sex life. I do not want to seek sex outside of the marriage.

We have three children who are all grown and on their own now. She had a hysterectomy and gallbladder removal in her 40s, and since then she has not been the same. She has had stomach problems ever since. Her constant companions are Tums, Rolaids and Pepto Bismol.

A. There are several issues at play here. I will first discuss the most serious and potentially harmful one first: the antidepressants.

You say your wife hasn't been to a doctor in years but is on antidepressants she receives from a "friend." Was she first prescribed antidepressants by a doctor but then stopped going, or did she and her so-called friend come up with the diagnosis and treatment on their own? These are important questions in that not only is your wife's friend breaking the law by giving your wife prescription medication without a prescription or medical license, but he or she is potentially harming your wife.

Another issue here is that your wife appears to be suffering, perhaps from depression that is not responding to medication.

Your wife needs help immediately, not for her lack of libido but rather for her assumed depression, stomach issues, weight and other symptoms. She needs to be seen by a physician and psychologist or psychiatrist for thorough physical and mental examinations.

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