Jim O'Donnell: Bleak daily double with Romo and Olsen calling NFL conference title games
IN A MORE PERFECT AMERICA, a gallon of gas would once again cost 39 cents, Texas would revert to being an independent republic and Jo Koy would be put on a global lifetime timeout from hosting any further awards shows.
Instead, as the new millennium curves toward its first quarter pole, a weary nation has to wade through relentless diminishments.
That wading becomes the hardest part for NFL America today when the two weakest analysts working on any of the five network A-teams call the conference championship games.
Tony Romo — the fizzled TV firecracker of 2017-19 — will chloroform viewers first. He and Jim Nantz will snooze-line the Ravens-Chiefs AFC title match (2 p.m., CBS).
Just after the theater of that game hopefully outkicks the broadcast booth, Gabby Greg Olsen will exhaust fans with his wasted words alongside Kevin Burkhardt on the Niners-Lions NFC finish liner (5:30 p.m., Fox).
A ROMO-OLSEN CHAMPIONSHIP Sunday: If Jim Thorpe and George Halas ever thought things would come to this, they would have refunded the $100 franchise fees back in that Canton Hupmobile showroom all those suspicious officiating calls ago.
Romo is in astounding freefall. He's making a reported $18M per year to show up, blab bartop banalities and go home. He's also bringing Nantz down. As has been written, “He sounds like a nephew who's saying anything that comes into his head and Nantz is the uncle who doesn't know how to react.”
As for Olsen — the one-time Bears tight end — week after week, he's more wound up than a shirtless Jason Kelce celebrating a playoffs win by his brother. He motor-mouths and says nothing, almost as if he is overdue to hit the Fox Port-O-Let.
ROMO AND OLSEN ARE TWO of the greatest arguments in the history of major American TV sports for mute buttons. On the same day calling penultimate games of a long NFL season, they are audio waterboarding.
Radio alternatives, via Westwood One, are Ian Eagle with twin comets Devin and Jason McCourty (Chiefs-Bills) and Kevin Harlan and Kurt Warner (Niners-Lions).
It'll be enough to make some listeners wonder if the hopeless Jo Koy could be in TV booths in both Baltimore and San Francisco today.
STREET-BEATIN':
Those swirling rumors that Bill Belichick will wind up as some kind of network NFL presence next fall are like finding out that the disagreeable study-hall proctor/assistant wrestling coach has been nominated for Teacher of the Year. Grumpiness and grunted one-syllable answers are not high media calling cards. …
Action Central: Steve Makinen of vsin.com reports that DET (plus-7 ½) is 8-1-1 in their last 10 against the spread as underdogs and 10-0 ATS in their last 10 against teams averaging more than 28 ppg. Meaning there could be a game after all under the lights in Santa Clara. …
Free counsel for new White Sox TV voice John Schriffen: 1) Keep your sizzle reel on speed-send; 2) Understand that three seasons and then movin' on out should be a granite goal; and, 3) Never forget that from Jim Durham to Jason Benetti, Jerry Reinsdorf has proven that the quality of an announcer means nothing to him. His favored media pass code is “house mouse.” (Cheese wiz K.C. Johnson can tell you more.) …
As repugnant as the charges against Terrence Shannon Jr. are, the University of Illinois men's star deserves both the presumption of innocence and the opportunity to continue to play until his case is properly adjudicated. There are more than casual analogies between Shannon's matter and the charges against Quintin Dailey at San Francisco during his final collegiate season of 1981-82. Upon some pricey legal advice, the late Mr. Dailey pleaded guilty to lesser charges, in his own words, solely to be eligible for the 1982 NBA Draft (when he became a Chicago Bull). …
WMVP-AM (1000) content willow Danny Zederman confirmed that there will be minor tweaks to some daily start and end times on his floundering station. That's like hearing that Spirit Airlines has a new pretzel supplier. …
Dan McNeil is denying that there are ongoing talks for him to take over as lead personality on the dormant morning show at WLS-AM (890). With a challenging general talk co-host, McNeil could actually upgrade and impact that talent-free pothole. For now, he's watching the wheels flow with a Friday afternoon talker on WJOB-AM (1230) near his native Highland in northwest Indiana. …
And Pookie Ferguson, on getting Patrick Mahomes plus-4 at Baltimore today: “That's like tuggin' on Superman's cape.”
Jim O'Donnell's Sports and Media column appears each week on Sunday and Thursday. Reach him at jimodonnelldh@yahoo.com. All communications may be considered for publication.