East Dundee couple makes decision to take in grandchildren

Michael McMeins and his wife, Kathy, are getting a second shot at parenting this time with two of their grandchildren.

The East Dundee couple is older now, maybe slower, but better prepared, McMeins said.

His daughter Danielle died when her two youngest children were babies, but even before her death, her lifestyle prompted McMeins to seek custody of the children.

Olivia Beeks, 6, and Andrew Beeks, 7, have been raised with the McMeinses since they started forming memories. Their mother is in stories and pictures, but “Mom” is Kathy and “Papa” is Michael.

Just when the couple thought they were reaching the end of child rearing, they welcomed the two new babies into their home Olivia, who is growing up bright and inquisitive, and Andrew, who lives with multiple physical and mental disabilities. Andrew has the mental and social abilities of a 4- or 5-month-old child, McMeins estimates. The two children live at opposite extremes.

“We got to that point in our lives where we were ready to look forward to doing some things we weren't able to do when we were raising kids and pinching pennies,” McMeins said.

But duty called and the couple rose to the challenge. They had some family members saying taking in the two children would ruin them, others said they didn't have a choice. For McMeins, there was only one option.

“To let these children go into the state system would have been a disaster for them,” he said. “We've given Andrew the absolute best life he could ever get. And I believe Olivia has every opportunity.”

The couple brought Olivia into their home when she was just 4 weeks old and welcomed Andrew before he turned 2. In bringing the children into his home, McMeins also kissed retirement goodbye. He and his wife moved from the brink of late-life comfort to facing the mountain of bills that comes with raising children.

“You kind of give up one life, one hope, one aspiration, and you trade it in for those things that you must do,” McMeins said.

Their second round of parenting isn't just a “do-over” for McMeins, it has its own set of challenges.

Olivia started making comments about not having a mother when she was in day care. She noticed the other children were being picked up by their moms but said she didn't have one.

The McMeinses started talking about how to address that. With no other models of couples raising adoptive children, they had to forge a path alone. They have always been clear with Olivia that her mother lived, but she also died.

In the end, the McMeinses decided to tell Olivia she could still call Kathy “Mom” because, really, she is the “cultural” mother raising her.

McMeins has had conversations with teachers, parents and friends explaining the same concept. On Mother's Day, Olivia makes a card for Kathy. But sometimes she draws pictures of her birth mother, acknowledging her role as “mom” as well.

McMeins said his conscience oscillates as he watches the children grow.

“I wonder sometimes, ‘Do we have these kids because we failed miserably at the other ones, or do we have these kids because we did such a good job with the other ones that we're uniquely qualified to handle this situation?”

It's hard, but McMeins said taking care of Olivia and Andrew keeps him young. He is 59, but acknowledges the sense of vitality raising the children brings to him.

McMeins' new life is full of difficult times and pure joys. Knowing that Andrew will probably not live past his teens is hard, but McMeins focuses on the fact that every day he wakes up is one more day.

“To see Andrew smile, that's a beautiful thing,” McMeins said about the child who rarely interacts with the people around him.

Olivia's energy is exhausting and her care takes much more time than Andrew's.

McMeins said sometimes he falters when he sees friends going on extended vacations or enjoying retirement. He worries about running out of money and not being able to collect Social Security if the program stops.

But he is also at peace with the decision he made to take in the two babies. He doesn't regret it, and he is reminded all the time why it was the right decision.

“We've given up much, but we've also got more,” McMeins said. “We won the lottery with these kids.”