Grayslake mentor finds experience life-changing

MaryAnn Hatton's lip begins to tremble and tears well up as she talks about Antwaun.

“I never expected to love him as much as I do,” she said.

Like many children served by the Allendale Association, Hatton said at 14 years old Antwaun faced difficult life circumstances. But by spending time with him, she has seen not only humor but also so much that is enduring.

“Through all the hardship and all he has had to experience in his very young life, there is still that hope in him and that desire to please those who mean something to him,” said Hatton of Grayslake. “He has goals for the future that are no different than yours or mine.”

Hatton was matched with Antwaun three years ago through the Allendale Association's Big Pal mentor program. She learned about the program from friends who volunteered at Allendale, which is a nonprofit social service agency based in Lake Villa that serves adolescents ages 7 to 18 with emotional or behavioral issues. The youth who come to Allendale are often the victims of abuse, neglect or severe mental illness. The adolescents and their families can receive care and treatment through the organization's residential treatment programs, day treatment special education schools, or from their clinical programs and services.

Allendale, which was started in 1897 by Edward “Cap” Bradley and now serves more than 700 children and families annually, also offers community-based programs including independent living/transition support and mentoring services, such as the Big Pals program.

“We go about our daily lives and forget that there is suffering around us or people who exist who have not had the same start in life,” said Hatton, who formerly owned a Chicago day care center. “When I saw and heard the stories the girls would share with me and when I stopped working full time, I knew it was time to get involved.”

Laura Craemer, Allendale's Volunteer and Community Services manager, said the Big Pals program helps kids form a bond with someone who also helps them develop interests within the community.

“It allows kids to see other adults in the community who are invested in their future and their well-being and give their time and commitment to see this child be successful,” Craemer said.

Allendale provides Big Pals with training (about 10 hours) and reading materials. Mentors are matched to kids based on their interests and expectations.

Hatton said when they first met, Antwaun kept his head down covered by a hood and would not make eye contact or talk.

“It took five or six visits before he realized I was going to be there when I said I was going to be there, and then he would start to warm up,” she said.

The key is consistency. Usually the Big Pal and Little Pal get together at least every other week, and often talk on the phone during weeks in between.

During their visits, Hatton often would feed Antwaun's competitive side with bowling or would take him to see a movie he had heard kids talk about. When asked how many movies they've seen, Hatton said, “I've lost track.”

“I like to spend time with them and have fun,” Antwaun said. “I may be a little bit grumpy when she first comes in, but otherwise it's fun.”

Antwaun also has been invited to the Hatton's home where he likes to spend time with his second Big Pal, Hatton's husband, Dave, and their two standard poodles.

“It's fun. That's the only way I can get to see the dogs,” Antwaun said.

Hatton said if you're spending time with a friend and all you do is go to a coffee shop or the mall, there is a barrier.

“Are you someone's good friend if you never invite them into your home? That was the next natural step for us,” she said.

When Antwaun transitioned from the residential cottage on Allendale's campus to a foster mom, the two saw each other less.

“There was a period where he didn't think he was supposed to know anyone else that was in his past because his life was starting a new chapter,” she said. “But his foster mom did a great job of teaching him he doesn't have to close the door to anyone.”

While it's not required, Hatton also attends meetings with his teachers and support staff.

“I'm there to show my support for him — not to critique his behavior or make a judgment, but to show my support,” she said. “It gives me more an inclination to hear professionals tell what is happening at school or therapy.”

Hatton said Antwaun now can view his behavior and think about the future, including graduating high school and accomplishing his goals.

Craemer said that is what Hatton does so well.

“At whatever pace he wanted to take their relationship, she was there,” Craemer said. “She didn't force something. That was the key for people to be successful with our kids. They give them a sense of control over what it's going to look like. It's up to us as adults to vary our expectations.”

As for the future, Antwaun said he wants to take his Big Pal on a roller coaster at Six Flags, leading to a worried look by Hatton.

Hatton looks into the future with caution.

“We would love to be there the day he gets married. But that is entirely his decision,” she said. “I don't know where the future will lead him. Dave and I would like to be part of his life, but whatever he feels, that is the path he is going to take.”

The hope attached when you become someone's mentor is coming closer to a reality, she said, and it has taken little effort.

“All it takes is someone to show that child that they are going to be there as a support system, and to listen to whatever that child tells you they need, not necessarily what you think they may need,” she said.

For information about the Allendale Association and to learn about volunteer opportunities, see allendale4kids.org, call Laura Craemer at (847) 245-6483 or e-mail volunteer@allendale4kids.org.