When it comes to losing, Cubs have no equal

The Cubs begin spring training today with a new sign that some interpret as hope for the hopeless.

As in if the Saints could win a Super Bowl, the Cubs certainly can win a World Series.

Just as if the Red Sox and White Sox each could win a World Series, so can the Cubs. Just as if The Who can wheeze through the Super Bowl, the Cub can get lucky in old age, too.

Or not.

The Cubs' blessing and curse is that they can't be compared to anybody else.

If Saints fans thought they were long-suffering, well, let's analyze the term.

Fans of any team that hasn't won a title in the last 15 minutes think they're long-suffering. But it's relative, as in relatively wacky in relation to the Cubs.

The Saints went 43 years before winning their first Super Bowl. That's a teardrop in the bucket of sorrow compared to the 102 years since the Cubs last won a World Series.

Tom Ricketts, the new Cubs owner, probably thinks he's long-suffering. Actually being a fan since 1984 makes him short-suffering compared to many lifelong Cubs fans.

New Orleans undeniably has suffered longly as the city that care forgot. But sports-wise, the more the story of Saints fans spread the past month the more it sounded like a rich man's lament next to Cubs fans.

Even if Saints fans were long-suffering, Cubs fans still are longest-suffering by more than a half-century.

So, who dat think they suffer as long as Cubs fans have suffered?

For all we know, Cubs fans' frustration has only just begun after a mere 102 years without winning a World Series. Until they do win one the assumption must be that they never will.

There is one depressing parallel between the Saints and the Cubs: Many Saints fans didn't live to experience their championship season either.

Take the New Orleans man who won a gallon of whiskey in a tavern contest during the Saints' first game ever on Sept. 17, 1967.

Roland LaBranche Sr. vowed not to open the bottle until the Saints gave him a reason to celebrate - but he died in 2005 at 77 without enjoying a taste.

Boy, that sure did awake echoes of all the folks over the years who made vows inspired by the Cubs.

They pledged not to marry until the Cubs reached a World Series, to not have kids, to not stop smoking, to not move out of their parents' homes, to not brush their teeth, to not change their underwear -

If only they knew how long forever is.

Countless remain single without children, stinking up their parents' place with dirty undies, cigarette smoke and bad breath.

Just imagine how many Cubs fans won't live long enough to see their team ride in convertibles down State Street like the Saints rode on floats down Canal Street.

When it comes to sports sufferers, Saints fans are princes compared to the paupers who follow the Cubs from year to year in pursuit of next year.

Cubs fans are driven to drink, but too many still have unopened bottles of whiskey, hoping against hope to some day sip that elusive World Series championship.

mimrem@dailyherald.com