Baseball’s new look all the rage at Wrigley
Did club chairman Tom Ricketts fill the Cubs’ front office or cast a feature film?
I had dinner with a couple of female friends the day after Theo Epstein was introduced last week as the Cubs’ president of baseball operations.
“He’s hot!” one said.
Apparently the days are over when baseball owners were 70-year-olds with wooden legs from going to war, executives were 60-year-olds with broken noses from being plunked by fastballs, and field managers were 50-year-olds with dirt still between their teeth from headfirst slides.
We’re moving in a direction where they’ll all be Ivy-Leaguers with not a hair out of place or a participle dangling.
Which had me thinking during Tuesday’s news conference featuring Epstein, executive vice president and general manager Jed Hoyer, and senior vice president of scouting and player development Jason McLeod.
Name the action/comedy coming to a ballpark near you? Forgive me for first thinking of “Charlie’s Angels.” No, no, and no. These three guys don’t remotely resemble Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore or Lucy Liu.
OK, then what about “Ocean’s Eleven” with Epstein playing George Clooney’s role, Hoyer playing Brad Pitt’s and McLeod playing Matt Damon’s.
Not too far off. Ricketts did sort of hire the three musketeers — please, not “The Three Musketeers” currently polluting theaters — to pull off a heist of a World Series championship for the Cubs.
However, if I remember correctly, Clooney goes to jail for a parole violation in “Ocean’s Eleven,” and it’s difficult to envision Epstein in an orange jumpsuit.
Then it occurred to me why any executive has been brought to Wrigley Field the past 66 years.
“If there’s something strange
“in your neighborhood
“who ya gonna call?
“Ghostbusters.”
That’s it! Epstein is the Dan Aykroyd character from “Ghostbusters,” Hoyer is Bill Murray’s and McLeod is Harold Ramis’ — except they all look more like movie stars.
There they were Tuesday, sitting in the United Club at Wrigley Field, on a promotional tour for their new movie, uh, for their plan to exorcise this team’s demons.
One adjustment must be made to the “Ghostbusters” analogy because the paranormal exterminator service isn’t hunting ghosts.
“If there’s something weird
“and it don’t look good
“who ya gonna call?
“Cursebusters.”
Epstein insisted last week that he doesn’t believe in curses like Billy goats and black cats.
I agree, but with one minor difference. I don’t believe in curses … except when it comes to the Cubs. They are cursed, you know.
Epstein hasn’t lived through all the odd occurrences that have inflicted the Cubs, which combined make the Curse of the Bambino he conquered in Boston seem like a simple itch to scratch.
“If you’re seeing things
“running through your head
“Who can ya call?
“Cursebusters.”
Oh, and Epstein also said that he cherishes baseball traditions like Wrigley Field. Let him spend a couple of nights sleeping there on a cot and experiencing the strange noises inhabiting the place.
“An invisible man
“sleeping in your bed
“Who ya gonna call?
“Cursebusters.”
OK, fellas, time to go to work … “Lights, camera, action!” … sorry, “Play ball!”
mimrem@dailyherald.com