What Illinois’ symbols really should be
The recent reporting on the legislation passed in Springfield was clear but certainly not comprehensive. What’s omitted is a key legislative change, sure to be signed promptly by Gov. Quinn: changes in all the state symbols to reflect the political climate in Illinois. I feel that this vital legislation should not go unreported. Here are some of the proposals:
State’s great seal: Replace the eagle holding banner with a vulture, impaling a taxpayer with its beak.
State flag: New seal on bloody field. Outsized flags can be leased to used car dealerships that will be willing to pay a handsome ransom (oops, I mean royalty).
State tree: Change the white oak to the money tree, which flourishes in the state.
State flower: Violet should be clarified to mean “shrinking violet,” symbolizing our legislators when determining if they should get a pay raise.
State song: Change from a generally unknown ditty to “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.”
State bird: The schoolchildren of Illinois should be allowed to vote on either the vulture or the domesticated turkey — the dumbest bird around — which would represent the voters who “ask for it” every election and the citizens who do not bother to vote.
State slogan: Change from “Land of Lincoln” to “What’s in it for me?”
State mineral: Goodbye fluorite, hello graft-ite.
State animal: Change from the white-tailed deer to the gerrymander, which is very alive and doing well in Illinois.
State snack food (believe it or not, we have such a symbol): Schoolchildren chose popcorn, which is OK as long as it’s somebody else’s.
State dance: Who does square dancing anymore? The new dance will be the sidestep, what our state officials are really good at.
Sheila M. Barrett
Elk Grove Village