Pekin trans woman supporting others with gender dysphoria

PEORIA, Ill. (AP) - Dana Garber has always identified as a woman.

The notion was crystal clear for the lifelong Pekin resident, until the world stepped in and muddied the waters. The first time it happened was on Garber's first day of school. Her kindergarten teacher made her use the boy's bathroom.

'œI got in the girl's line,'ť said Garber while sitting in her office at Planned Parenthood in Peoria recently. 'œThe teacher grabbed me by the hand and pulled me out of line and said '~No, honey, you are a boy, you got to go to the boys' bathroom.' I didn't understand that, and everybody was laughing at me. I got humiliated, and I went in the bathroom, and I was literally sick to my stomach.'ť

Garber went home early from school that day. Her mother explained the situation after picking her up.

'œShe said, '~Well, honey, you are a boy. Boys' and girls' bodies are different. You can't go in the bathroom with the girls, you have to go in the bathroom with the boys,' and I just kind of accepted it,'ť said Garber.

It was the first of many instances where the world forced Garber into an uncomfortable role. At that time, in the early 1960s, there were few options for people who didn't identify with their gender assigned at birth. It was considered a mental health disorder and could lead to institutionalization. Doctors believed it could be 'œcured'ť with therapy.

'œThe mental health community has evolved a lot in the last 50 years,'ť said Garber. 'œThey have recognized that gender identity disorder is a stigmatizing term, and they started calling it '~gender dysphoria,' which is an incongruence between your mind and your body. They also realized that you can't cure gender identity disorders, it's a condition they can treat. So what's the treatment for gender dysphoria? It's transitioning.'ť

Though it took more than 50 years for Garber to begin to transition, today at 63, she is living life in line with her gender identity. She is also helping others on that journey through her role as transgender health program intake coordinator at Planned Parenthood.

'œOnce I became a happy person, I just got so excited, I wanted to help everybody else,'ť said Garber, who was offered the job not long after Planned Parenthood in central Illinois started offering gender-affirming hormone therapy in 2016.

'œI do interviews with the new patients to find out what their needs are and what their goals are,'ť said Garber. 'œWe explain how the program works, and what kind of things to expect from hormone therapy, and they sign the consent forms. After that, we give them a prescription and they come back in 90 days and we do a checkup and some blood work. They come back every 90 days until we get them on a stable dose where their labs are in the sweet spot.'ť

Gender-affirming hormone therapy is not a walk in the park. Given to men and woman as part of gender-affirming care, it's a powerful therapy that helps people gain physical characteristics more in line with their gender identity. Garber was thrilled when she started seeing softer skin and less body hair, but she also experienced mood swings.

'œThe hormones knocked me for a loop. That first six months is hell,'ť said Garber. 'œI had everything on the PMS list but menses.'ť

Hormone therapy and gender confirmation surgery, which Garber had in 2018, are not easy things to do. But for her, deciding to transition was a matter of life or death. After living as a man for 55 years, Garber hit a rough patch - a time when depression led her to thoughts of suicide.

In a short time period, Garber went through a divorce after 27 years of marriage, lost her 20-year-old son in an accident and was forced into retirement after downsizing at the Powerton power plant, where she had worked for 35 years.

'œI found a good counselor in Peoria, and I saw her for a little over two and a half years. We talked about everything, my relationship issues, my gender identity, my grief. There was just a whole pile of stuff on my plate,'ť said Garber. 'œShe finally said to me one day, '~You know, you had yourself figured out, you just needed some validation'... Her recommendation was '~you just need to try this. There is no harm in cross-dressing, trying to live in that gender role. If it's not right for you, go back to where you were. If it's right for you, proceed.' I wasn't even a cross-dresser at that time, I was about 57. So I said OK, and I started dressing in the fall of 2014.'ť

Garber also started visiting area gay bars where she met other LGBTQ people. She was quickly adopted into a loving and supportive community.

'œI met a person who was a member of the Peoria Transgender Society down at Diesel one night. I was standing at the bar, and this person came up to me and said, '~Hey, are you trans?' And I said, '~Yeah, why?' I turned around, and he was a trans man. ... We started talking, and he told me about the Peoria Transgender Society. I didn't even know it existed. So I started going to the meetings. It was very validating to meet some other people like me,'ť said Garber.

Through that group, Garber learned about a weekend-long event in Oklahoma City - an outing that would prove pivotal in her journey.

'œThat was right after I was first dressing (as a woman). I went to a couple bars in Peoria when it was really late at night, and I was hoping nobody would see me,'ť said Garber with a laugh. 'œSo I checked into this event, and I knew it would be good for me. I contacted the organizer and said '~I'm scared to death,' and she said, '~Honey, every single one of us started off just like you. The girls are gonna love you. Come on down here, and have a good time.' So I went, and I left all of my boy clothes at home. I dressed up and put my makeup on, and I drove down through Missouri and Oklahoma, and I stopped and got things to eat and went to the bathroom, and I was terrified. But when I got down there, I had so much fun, I just felt so great. I decided on the ride home that once I had enough clothes, I was gonna (start dressing like a woman) full time. And I never have looked back.'ť

Garber's experiences are helpful when she mentors others. Her clients come from all around central Illinois and as far away as Missouri. Her oldest client is 74 and has been dressing in line with their gender identity for years. They recently decided to begin hormone therapy. And while Garber cannot treat anyone under 18 years of age, she occasionally has the opportunity to speak with young people questioning their identity. She recently spent time with an 11-year-old girl during a community festival.

'œThis kid said, '~Can I walk around with you?' and I said '~You have to clear that with your parents first.' They were OK with it. She talked the whole time. At the end of the day, I went back, and I gave her mother my card and said, '~if you need help, to find some counselors to take her to, I have a list of trans-friendly counselors around here that I can hook you up with,''ť said Garber. 'œThe mother said she was hoping this is a phase, and she will grow out of it. I said, '~Well, maybe it is, and maybe it's not. Just support her. If she grows out of it, no harm done. And if she doesn't, then you are probably going to have to provide some support.'~'ť

While community support for trans people has improved in recent years, there are still many challenges people face.

'œMost of our issues revolve around employment and income disparities. Gender identity and expression are protected classes in Illinois, but you know as well as I do that if an employer looks at you and they don't like you, they'll find a legal reason to not hire you or to fire you. And that is a real problem for the community, especially the Black community. Especially the Black trans community, trans females,'ť said Garber.

Discrimination is everywhere, from the workplace to the family and at home, and the lack of understanding can lead to mental health issues and, in some cases, substance abuse. Homelessness is another issue. Trans teens can find themselves out on the street after coming out to their parents.

All in all, though, Peoria isn't a bad place to be LGBTQ, said Garber. There is a strong LGBTQ community that provides support, and the availability of medical services has improved in recent years.

Garber has seen a lot of changes in her 63 years, and she's glad young trans people are growing up in a more accepting world, where they are more likely to find support. Though it took Garber more than 50 years to live as an out trans woman, she says she wouldn't change the past.

'œEverything that I've been through made me the person I am now. I would not go back and change anything if I could. I got a wonderful daughter who loves me, and my family is pretty accepting. When I came out to my parents at age 55, they were in their early 80s, late 70s. My dad is 90 now, and my mom is 85, and I'm closer to my mom than I have ever been,'ť she said.

The fact that Garber is happier than she used to be has helped win over a couple of reluctant family members. Transitioning helped her dispel the cloud of anxiety and depression she had lived under for many years.

'œI had to change my life if I wanted to stay on the top side of the dirt - it was really that simple. It was down to a life-or-death decision for me. And I'm glad I chose to move forward because I'm still here, and I'm happy now. Better late than never.'ť

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Source: (Peoria) Journal Star, https://bit.ly/3jyY0za