Amateurish acting bogs down irritating 'Rome'

Just when I thought romantic comedies couldn't possibly go lower on the quality barometer than last month's behemoth baddie, "Did You Hear About the Morgans?," along comes "When in Rome," an itchy, scratchy, irritating allergen of a movie featuring a leading performance so shrill and mannered that it makes Kristin Davis' acting talents look positively mediocre.

Kristen Bell, star of the TV series "Veronica Mars," plays an up-and-coming New York curator named Beth. She rolls her eyes to express whimsy. She bites her lip to suggest frustration. She frowns ever so fiercely to show her displeasure.

Every gesture, every facial change has been cartoonishly overplayed, as if she were on stage in a massive theater trying to communicate her emotional state to someone in the 1,000th row.

But I don't think it's her fault. Bell didn't manifest these bizarre acting tics in the TV shows "Heroes" and "Gossip Girl" or the hilarious comedy film "Forgetting Sarah Marshall."

I can only assume that Mark Steven Johnson - the man who unleashed "Daredevil" and "Ghost Rider" upon our unsuspecting world - directed her that way.

Hey, nobody in the cast comes off much better than amateurish in "When in Rome." Not Danny DeVito, Will Arnett, Dax Shepard or Oscar-winning actress Anjelica Huston, who barely gives her character, Beth's boss Celeste, a heartbeat.

Even cult actor Jon Heder squanders what's left of his "Napoleon Dynamite" good will and street cred in this single 91-minute terrible movie.

When Beth's little sister Joan (Alexis Dziena) decides to marry an Italian guy she's known for two weeks, Beth flies over to Rome for the ceremony. She meets a tall, lanky American named Nick (Josh Duhamel), who seems to click with her until she catches him smooching with an Italian hottie in the piazza.

Angry and crushed, Beth jumps into the large fountain and picks up five coins thrown by men hoping that the Beatles were wrong and that their money would actually buy them love.

Beth doesn't realize the fountain has a magic spell on it. Whoever tossed the coins that she retrieves falls instantly in love with her: a meat packing king (DeVito), a strange magician (Heder), an Italian painter (Arnett), a male model (Shepard) and, uh, well, we don't know who the fifth coin belonged to.

But Beth is convinced it's Nick, who has fallen for her cutesy overacting.

All of them follow Beth back to New York, where they try to get close to her and impress her. (I'd comment on how creepy DeVito's come-ons to Beth are, but I think you already can guess.)

"When in Rome" comes equipped with shallow characters, an asinine plot, beat-you-over-the-head song lyrics ("When the rain is blowing on your face...") and a mountain of verbal clichés such as "Trust me!" "This is crazy!" "Showtime!" and "My bad!"

It's as if the two screenwriting Davids (Diamond and Weissman) watched a zillion romantic comedies, then stole all the bad parts.

During one particularly poorly directed scene, Beth burbles, "I just want to get out of here!"

She took the thought balloon right out of my head.

"When in Rome"

Rating: ½ star

Starring: Kristen Bell, Josh Duhamel, Anjelica Huston, Will Arnett, Jon Heder

Directed by: Mark Steven Johnson

Other: A Touchstone Pictures release. Rated PG-13 for "suggestive content." 91 minutes.