'I am going to see my son again someday'

Nicholas Swanson's prized white Chevy work truck is long gone, returned to his employer and eventually sold.

But his dog, Sasha, a border collie mix, remains and still runs free.

And the memories, like off-roading in trucks and ATVs and appreciating the boxy style of Ford Mustangs from the 1990s, might fade, but they won't perish.

Five years after Nicholas Swanson's death, his mother, Debbie Swanson, is done doing double takes every time she sees a big white pickup rolling down her Elgin street or around town.

"I've accepted that he is gone. I took the longest time to accept that. I kept waiting for him to come home," she said. "What keeps me going is knowing I'm going to see my son again someday. I don't want Nick's memory to be just his death."

The anguish is still fresh - five years to the day - from the deadly brawl in Plato Township between rival high school groups from Burlington Central and St. Charles North. Nicholas Swanson's younger brother and Central student, Eric, called his brother in the middle of the night Feb. 12, 2005, to ask for help.

There's anger, too, along with frustration that no one was convicted of striking the fatal blow to the back of Swanson's head.

The Larkin High School graduate would be 25 now, and his family and friends have forged ahead with their lives, trying to focus on the good times and warm memories instead of dwelling on his death.

"He was the sweetest guy. He'd do anything for anyone," said Debbie Imse, who went to prom with Swanson in 2003 and was good friends with him at the time of his death.

"He was an all-around perfect person. I'm not just saying that because he's dead. I'm saying that because he was," said Imse, now engaged and working as a medical assistant in Elgin.

Debbie Swanson has tried to move forward, but not without taking a few steps back along the way.

She separated from her husband, Jon, who declined interview requests for this story. The couple later reconciled.

They lost their home on Elgin's west side in March 2006, a year after their son's death. She said they simply stopped caring and didn't pay the mortgage.

Memories about how Nicholas, in the winter of 2004, secretly brought home a puppy, Sasha, bring a smile to Debbie Swanson's face.

"We always bring up Nick. We always talk about him. ... Remember when Nick did this? Remember when Nick did that? ... It's hard. We remember the good times basically."

Debbie Swanson, her family and friends plan to gather at Nicholas's gravesite in Elgin today to reminisce and release balloons.

Ed Zawilla, owner of Wise Rentals and Equipment and E-Z Landscaping in Schaumburg, where Swanson worked, simply will say a prayer.

Zawilla thought of Swanson as a son, showing his loyalty and thanks by giving the youth a white Chevy truck to drive to and from work.

Nicholas kept the truck immaculate, forbidding anyone from smoking inside the vehicle and making people wipe their shoes before they got inside the cab.

Zawilla eventually sold the truck because it was too painful to see every day.

"He was a great kid. I miss him a lot," Zawilla said. "He was a great person. I think he'd be very successful right now whether he was working for me or someone else."

Friend Kelly Westland said Swanson's death prompted a lot of his friends to get serious about their lives and make positive changes, like going to college and deciding on a career.

Westland and at least six others got tattoos of either hearts or crosses in memory of Swanson and other loved ones.

"We still miss him and we still love him," said Westland, who is taking classes at Elgin Community College and one day hopes to become a coroner's assistant.

Friend Laura Perly said five years has not dulled the pain.

"I thought as time went by it would get easier, but it hasn't," she said. "There are always constant reminders everywhere and after all this time, I still miss him like crazy. I wonder who he'd be today and if that would change who I am today."

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