Dull script, bland characters curse 'The Wolfman'

Here's a supposedly scary movie that thinks ripped body parts, spraying blood, video-game-quality CGI werewolves, false scares and Anthony Hopkins are frightening enough to compensate for dull and dreary characters wandering around dull and dreary British estates uttering dull and dreary dialogue.

Not even close.

"The Wolfman," a remake of Universal Pictures' 1941 classic, is an unrelentingly color-dead, humorless and passionless piece of horror with occasional bloody disembowelments and beheadings tossed in to stave off boredom.

This exercise in tempered tension begins with a disappointing, telling scene in 1891 England. A man named Ben hunts for someone in the woods when he's scared by birds suddenly taking flight.

Yes. Birds.

Then a werewolf rips him to pieces. Yikes!

So, here's a werewolf movie that thinks animals popping out of nowhere are shocking (later, a dog does the honors) and instantly kills off any suspense about what the mystery creature looks like.

Following this, Ben's brother Lawrence Talbot (a sad, lethargic Benicio Del Toro in Lon Chaney Jr.'s role) returns to his family estate to find out what killed Ben.

Having spent time in America, Lawrence rejoins his estranged father, a haggardly Sir John Talbot (Hopkins), and meets Ben's fetching girlfriend Gwen (a glum Emily Blunt, slumming after playing "The Young Victoria").

Lawrence finds a mysterious medallion in his brother's effects, and traces it to a local band of gypsies, especially the resident werewolf expert Maleva (Charlie Chaplin's daughter, Geraldine Chaplin).

A shadowy creature with great strength abruptly attacks the camp, ripping people to pieces and throwing them through the air like baseballs. It also mauls poor Lawrence.

"Wolfman" fans already know that even a man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night can become a wolf after being bitten by the were-kind.

Slowly and not-so surely, the story deviates greatly from the 1941 original. The screenplay, by David Self and Andrew Kevin Walker, delves into a possible abusive father-son relationship with fateful ramifications for Lawrence.

(So, that's why we first see Lawrence as a London actor performing the role of Hamlet, another character with bad daddy issues.)

Meanwhile, tough Scotland Yard investigator Aberline ("Matrix" star Hugo Weaving) looks into the killings, and becomes convinced the Talbots are involved.

Hopkins, Del Toro, Blunt and Weaving deliver their lines in full monotone mode without giving their characters any life or spark.

The unsung hero of "The Wolfman" has to be composer Danny Elfman, who constantly flogs the narrative with ceaseless trilling strings and ominous, menacing orchestrations to take up the dramatic slack in Shelly Johnson's studied visuals.

Director Joe Johnston worked for years as a special effects technician. He got his big break when legendary stage director Stuart Gordon (of Chicago's Organic Theater) suffered a heart attack while directing his screenplay to "The Teenie Weenies." Johnston replaced him and the title was changed to "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids."

Since then, Johnston has directed respectable works ("The Rocketeer" and "October Sky") and some duds ("Jumanji" and "Hidalgo").

His "Wolfman" contains three nasty transformations (with makeup by Rick Baker, winner of the first makeup effects Oscar for "An American Werewolf in London").

So, even though the characters and plot are frighteningly sketchy, the makeup is scary.

Just what you might expect from a special-effects-guy-turned-director.

"The Wolfman"Rating: #9733; #189;Starring: Benicio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt, Hugo WeavingDirected by: Joe JohnstonOther: A Universal Pictures release. Rated R for violence. 91 minutes