Holidays got you anxious? Experts offer tips on enjoying the season stress-free

The holiday season can be joyous, filled with family gatherings, good will and exchanges of gifts.

It also can also be a time fraught with stress and anxiety. Finding ways to cope could be as important as discovering the perfect gift for a loved one.

Experts say feelings of overwhelming responsibility and financial anxiety are common for many over the holidays.

“People are overdoing, overworking, overstressed, especially around the holidays, when the to-do list just gets longer and longer,” said Deborah Stamm, nurse practitioner with Advocate Good Shepherd Hospital’s Center for Health and Integrative Medicine. “And the image that sometimes comes to mind for me is ducks on a pond, where the ducks are seemingly floating along serenely, but under the water their flippers are just going really fast.”

Karen Wolownik Albert, CEO of the Recovery Centers of America, said the holidays carry an added risk for those battling substance abuse, given the frequency of social gatherings and increased opportunities for using alcohol and drugs.

One way to manage stress over the holidays is to strengthen your social connections, while also being selective with your time, said Clifton Saper, lead clinical psychologist for Ascension Illinois.

“Stay connected to your friends and your family and maybe drop those who are (part of) toxic relationships,” he said. ”Nowhere does it say you have to involve everybody in your celebrations.”

He also recommends volunteering - at a food bank or animal shelter, for example - as a good way to bolster one’s mood and connections.

Setting realistic expectations is important, Saper added

“I’m often saying to my patients, ‘Listen, if you feel you have to write a holiday card to your list of 50 that you always do every year, you don’t have to do that. And if that’s causing you stress and you’re not happy about doing that, then let it go.’”

“Know that every family is not the Waltons,” Saper added, a reference to the 70s television family. “There are going to be disagreements. That’s just family dynamics. You can’t use the holiday to repair lots of relationships. That repair takes communication, takes time, and takes really working at it.”

Saper also advises practicing self-care, including taking time to relax and getting outside rather than sitting on a couch watching television.

“And probably the most important thing is this is an opportunity and a time of the year to demonstrate gratitude. What am I thankful for that has happened this year?”

Stamm, of Good Shepherd’s Center for Health and Integrative Medicine, said one can relieve holiday stress through lifestyle choices in areas such as exercise, nutrition, environment and sleep.

She also recommends breathing exercises that anchor one in the moment. One deep belly breathing technique she likes to teach is a “4, 7, 8 breath.“

“You take a deep breath from your belly space in through your nose for a count of four and then hold for a count of seven, and then you breathe out through your mouth for a count of eight. And that signals to the whole system to relax,” she said.

The Recovery Centers of America are available for anyone who needs help during the holidays, Albert said, including on Christmas Eve and Christmas. Those seeking outpatient services can call 1-800-RECOVERY and receive a confidential screening, she added. Or those in need can seek it through the live chat function on the organization’s website.

“We want people to not isolate,” she said. “Isolation is really dangerous in addiction, but also in recovery.”

Those battling substance use disorder who are attending events where drugs and alcohol might be available can take along a sober friend or someone who supports their recovery, Albert added. She also recommends bringing your own drinks, like a favorite soda or flavored water.

Psychotherapist and author Lori Gottlieb, in a recent webinar entitled “Surviving the Holidays with Lori Gottlieb,” said that people should remember they are free to celebrate the holidays in the way of their own choosing, and are not bound by traditions.

“Family is who we define our family to be,” she said. “And you can define whatever family you want to be with.”