Taylor Swift should run everything

As a culture, and as a republic, we should just give up and let Taylor Swift run everything. It's probably going to happen anyway, so we might as well get on her good side now.

This might cost me a couple years in a reeducation camp after the Swifties take over, but I'm not a Taylor Swift fan. I don't think I've ever heard one of her songs all the way through. I like classic country. I like Cajun music. I like old blues music.

I'm an old weirdo is what I am, but I know promise when I see it, and I see promise in Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift is packed with promise the way the inside of an acorn is packed with the stuff inside an acorn.

And I didn't mean that reeducation camp stuff, either. I don't think Swift would put me in a reeducation camp. I think she'd smile a little at my stubbornness and maybe plant a single chaste kiss on my forehead and let me keep on writing. She seems kinda mad at some of the guys she used to go out with, but, what the heck? I'm still mad at girls who wouldn't dance with me in junior high. You hear that, Cheryl?

We've been erasing the line between entertainment and leadership ever since we elected the president who used to make movies with a chimp and Bill Clinton played the sax on television and Donald Trump used to do a little pro wrestling on the side. It's time to put someone in charge who ONLY knows how to entertain. It's all we're worth, and it's all we really want, and it probably won't make things much worse.

I watched Joe Biden speak in Israel Wednesday. It was a good speech. It was a serious speech. It was a comforting speech, but it had some backbone. Unless you're a total political wonk, that speech went down like a mouthful of tepid water. The only people who got excited about that speech were people who believe weird things about Jewish people, and they get excited when they see matzah for sale in the grocery store because they think it's a Zionist plot.

Biden gave a good, solid speech, but he's not leggy, and he doesn't have a hit song out, and he always looks a little like a doll no one is ever going to buy.

Swift is younger than Biden, slimmer than Trump, and there's no indication that she's stupid. That may not sound like much of a compliment until you remember that we routinely elect people who are stupid and who cannot be made to look smart. We love those people, too, and 70 of us will show up at any political event when they're back home in the district or the state.

Swift is reportedly very generous with the support staff on her tours, so I can practically guarantee she'll pay off your student loans, and I can picture her snarling at Vladimir Putin in a way Trump never dared to.

She sparkles when she walks, and no president has sparkled since Jack Kennedy. We won't even have to change the hats, but "MAGA" will now mean "Make America Glitter Again."

Swift does have a dedicated fan base, but they don't look like they'd storm the Capitol, either. If they did, she could scatter concert tickets among them and then sing at them while the National Guard snuck up from behind.

If we're going to drift toward letting entertainment run the world, then why not quit drifting and run straight into the arms of glitz and fame? It'll be a loving embrace, even if it chokes us.

© Creators, 2023