Get a new perspective on painful memories
"I thank my God every time I remember you."
- Philippians 1:3 (NIV)
A few days ago, in a conversation with a friend, I was trying to remember something. Try as I might, I just couldn't seem to bring it to mind.
"I hate when that happens," my friend replied, trying to offer some support.
Our memory is a precious thing given to us by God. Although many of our memories are pleasant ones, I think most of us carry a mix of good and bad. Some people have allowed painful memories to make them bitter, and spend most of their time dwelling on those hurtful moments.
Some may have memories tied to a marriage that went wrong. Parents may reflect on mistakes they feel they made in their child-rearing days and look back with regret. Parents who have a fresh experience with empty-nest may have painful feelings as they reflect on their fulfilled times gone by with their children.
Memories of a departed loved one through death or abandonment can leave us feeling lost, bewildered and discouraged when the wound of losing them is fresh. In such cases as these, we may wonder how we can be thankful for our memories when they cause such pain.
I, too, have experienced the pain associated with loss of loved ones, regrets of my child-rearing days and empty nest feelings. During these times, I tried not to be hard on myself. When my memories of dearly departed loved ones felt painful, I prayed and asked God to heal me of the painful feelings. I allowed God's timing to help me view the pleasant memories with the joy instead of focusing on the painful ones.
I also learned to turn my regrets over to God, allowing Him to work out my past mistakes. It didn't always remove those feelings, but it helped me put the past in proper perspective. If there wasn't a lesson in it for me, then I realized I had to leave my life and results of it in God's hands.
I found adding gratitude can shape our memories. Embracing the pleasant ones and forgiving the painful ones can spark a new perspective about life. Being realistic that there is always a balance of good and bad helps keep things in proper perspective as well.
The good news is today's activities are shaping new memories for us to take into our future. We can do our best to make our present time one we can look back on fondly - even as we work through our problems and difficulties.
As we grasp our fond memories with gratitude to God and put the rest in his hands, I believe we can learn the secret of being thankful for our memories.
• Annettee Budzban is a Christian author, Inspirational speaker, life coach and nurse. She can be contacted at annetteebudzban@aol.com or calling (847) 543-8413.