Jim O'Donnell: Searching for gratuitous gratitude on a hollow sports Thanksgiving in Chicago
IF THANKSGIVING WAS BASED on the current successes of the five major professional teams in Chicago, the holiday wouldn't be observed.
Since "Passover" has already been taken, the date might be known in The Captive Sports City as something more like "Angst-giving."
Being a passionate sports fan in the Chicago of 2023 is as fulfilling as rooting for expanded regional impact by Churchill Downs Inc. Faith, hope and clarity have been replaced by fits, dopes and rebuild mind shafts.
CLASSIC STOICS SUCH AS Seneca, Marcus Aurelius and apparently George McCaskey believed that a life of virtue could handle the inevitability that all things will pass.
The statuses of the Bears, the Bulls, the Blackhawks, the Cubs and the White Sox can't pass quickly enough. As campaigners, they're as upstreaming as Vivek Ramaswamy ground troops in Iowa.
Against that cheery preamble, deep frying to spotlight even more reasons for less gratitude on the sagging Chicago sportscape:
The Bears and Arlington Park - More than two years since the sale was announced, all Arlington Heights has is a depressing civic sore on its western gateway. ... The Bears did all of the dirty-deed demolition work for Churchill Inc. ... Now no bigger inquiry sign has ever been posted.
Arturas Karnisovas & Marc Eversley - Is there a Curly Joe Reinsdorf to complete the Bulls' latest iteration of The Three Stooges? ... Zach LaVine's $215M UNICEF package says all that needs to be known about their NBA acumen. ... Success in Denver apparently stays in Denver.
The growing pains of the Blackhawks - Yes, it's a baby unit. ... But Bobby Hull had Stan Mikita, Jonathan Toews had Patrick Kane and Connor Bedard has who? ... The great Stanley Cups of Rocky Wirtz sprang from the hockey savvy of such gold liners as Dale Tallon and later Scotty Bowman and Joel Quenneville. ... Right now, it's young Picasso with the paint store closed.
Lamenting the departure of David Ross - Rossy got steamrolled. ... Boo hoo, bang the drum slowly ... Anyone think Jed Hoyer was going to fire himself? ... It's an ivy jungle out there. ... Craig Counsell will get the Cubs into a few Octobers and then it'll be time to bring back a Joe Maddon type as the quick-quipping closer.
Tim Anderson - The perfect face of the haphazard 2023 Chicago White Sox. ... Underachieving, disinterested and checked out of Losers Lodge on West 35th Street just about the time that he and fellow failures realized Pedro "Quien?" Grifol really was their manager.
The eternally happy face of Justin Fields - Didn't No. 1 ever hear Michael Jackson's version of "Smile?" ... Is the lad going to the chair at midnight? ... His constant look of pain is that of a 24-year-old who just found out that he'll never play "Hogwarts Legacy" again. ... So he's getting buried in seismic dysfunction. ... Isn't that what being a McCaskey Bear is all about?
Chicago sports-talk radio - An absolute "Old Faithful" on what makes sports media in Our Town so oily. ... From AM-670 to AM-1000, generally sub-nerdian, compliant babble to a must-flee degree. ... But nothing that fresh talent, better guests and independent, innovative programming wouldn't cure. ... Still, hearing Mike Mulligan, David Haugh and Brad Biggs break down yet another Bears loss probably would have made Guantanamo detainees cop to everything from Pearl Harbor to the 2019 film version of "Cats."
The Rolling Stones now scheduled to play Soldier Field in 2024 - On the sod where the burnt-orange bust out, at least one well-lubed legacy machine will receive pricey ovations next year. ... Maybe Mick Jagger and Keith Richards can leave behind a set list so the next gaggle of Bears coaches get a clue about how reliable shrewdness can endure.
NASCAR in Chicago - Spit-take funny the first time around. ... Now, the idea of a sequel next summer is more insulting than Lil Wayne busking on a Metra platform. ... Lori Lightfoot agreed to deflective spectacle. ... Couldn't Brandon Johnson redirect city energies to more pressing concerns and let the rich moonshiners race all of their decals back to Joliet?
The unsolved gun wounds inside of Guaranteed Rate Field - Without question, the most unusual fan promotion of the year. ... Sure two spectators were winged but thousands of others weren't. ... What odds! ... Throw in some Jet's Pizza discount coupons for "O.K. Corral Night '24" and Brooks Boyer can begin his own marketing rebuild after the loss of Jason Benetti. ... CEO Jim Skogsbergh and ever-expanding Advocate Health would undoubtedly slay to be the emergency room sponsor.
SO AS THE BIRD COOLS, there are some items that Chicago sports fans can feign gratitude toward on Thanksgiving Day 2023.
All while watching Dan Campbell and the Detroit Lions continue their zoom from 3-13-1 two seasons ago toward a possible No. 1 seed in the NFC playoffs.
It just takes the virtuous conviction that all things must pass.
• Jim O'Donnell's Sports and Media column appears each week on Sunday and Thursday. Reach him at jimodonnelldh@yahoo.com. All communications may be considered for publication.