Grief & healing: Make today a good day

My dear Baheej carried a short list of notes to himself in his writing satchel. They helped him remember how to start the day, and how to protect himself from undue worries. It is in his own handwriting and he had it laminated so it was protected.

I found this list after he died, and now I carry it in my purse. Most of the items on the list are ideas he told me about over the years. But I really didn’t know he carried the list with him daily.

First on the list is this: “Every day is a new day; it’s in your hands to make it a good day.“ A piece of wisdom he gave me long ago. So we both always tried to do that. We used to sit together in early morning over a cup of coffee and plan the new day.

Sometimes this required putting aside some problem that had been resolved yesterday, and start fresh. He didn’t believe in dwelling on the past. I think it’s a type of self-protection that’s actually quite healthy. No wallowing. We all must do our best over life’s journey.

Another note to himself on the list was to protect and enjoy silence. To Baheej, silence was essential to his creativity. By this he meant not let his mind get all cluttered up with problems or with the worrisome news of the world early in the morning, but to keep his mind clear for new ideas and writing. He liked to preserve his peace of mind and have a good start to each new day.

I’m still thinking about how important it is to start the new day off right, whatever that means to every individual. Basically we need some routine that gets the day off on a positive or happy note.

Now, there are many ways to do this, and it doesn’t have to be elaborate. It depends entirely on individual preferences, personality, time available, lifestyle and your stage of life. But it should be something that puts you in a good state of mind.

The point is: How one gets off to a good start to the day is very important to our productivity and, more importantly, to our peace of mind, our joy of life. Especially at this busy time of year.

I’ve noticed that what constitutes a good start changes over seasons and stages of life, but that’s OK. These days a good cup of coffee and watching my kitties enjoy their tuna pate’ breakfast works for me.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.