Listen, offer advice to kids having peer trouble in school
" … Be not afraid of them, neither be afraid of their words, though briars and thorns …"
- Ezekiel 2:6 (NIV)
Right now, every store you enter has nooks, crannies and center aisles lined with back-to-school items. From primary school learners to the studious college student, supplies are part of equipping our young ones for learning.
Along with stuffing their backpacks full of supplies, they need to be equipped with social skills to make the journey to learning a more pleasant one. Sometimes we fall short of what to say because we are still learning many of these valuable lessons ourselves. So how do we help?
Sharing lessons we've learned over the years can help with insights when giving advice.
Become aware of the problems they are facing. Listen to their cries for help. My friend listened when her granddaughter, in her senior year, shared her desire to drop her favorite class due to peer rejection. The girl explained to her parents that she couldn't take it that the girls form cliques and won't have anything to do with her.
That is hard for anyone. Peer rejection is a difficult part of life, and one of the biggest problems children face in school. School is the ground for forming social skills. In the pages of the Bible, there were many stories of men and women dealing with difficult people. Oftentimes, they were referred to as "thorns in the flesh," because the rejection was emotionally painful. They prayed for God's help with these encounters.
Advise them that, in everyday life, we encounter rejection from people everywhere we go. Even as adults it happens in the workplace, neighborhoods, churches and other organizations. So explaining it's not a situation isolated only to them might help them not feel like it is only them who feels this way.
Build their self-esteem. Inform them that when people reject us, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with us. Oftentimes, it's the offender that lacks understanding regarding people skills and they may also suffer from low self-esteem. They often hurt and reject others so they can feel important.
When it comes to dealing with the rejection from others, instructing them that maintaining their cool and using good manners is a more powerful stance and mature way of handling the issue. Belittling or name calling only stirs more problems and bad feelings.
Impart the spiritual wisdom of patience, and that sometimes things take time to work out. And when they don't, God often uses rejection to redirect us to something or someone better for us.
Be adamant that if they are threatened or feel like they can't handle a situation, it should reported to someone in charge.
Encourage them to keep their focus on their school work. Help them to eat nutritiously and get enough sleep; this can make them feel more emotionally balanced.
Always acknowledge their feelings and take their concerns seriously. We never know when a wise word of encouragement or a hug given at just the right moment may work wonders.
• Annettee Budzban is an author, speaker, life coach and nurse. She will speak Sept. 28 at the Women's Fall Gathering at Holy Cross church in Cary. Women interested in attending should email Conventionchairman@lwmlnid.org for further information. Annettee is available to speak to your church group, business, civic organization or be your personal life coach. She can be contacted at Annetteebudzban@aol.com or (847) 543-8413.