What's good, what's bad to give to loved ones in a nursing home?
Everyone agrees the best holiday gift for someone who lives in an assisted living, memory care or nursing home facility is your presence.
“Just spending time with them ... that means more to them than any monetary gift,” said Linda Smith, marketing director at the Lutheran Home in Arlington Heights.
What if you want to give something more? In search of ideas, we talked with suburban families and caregivers about some of the best - and worst - gifts to give to people living in these facilities. Here's what they said:
Don't buy ...
Large quantities of candy or other food. Residents already get a lot of extra treats and food at their facilities during the holidays. While they might like to share with others, some food gifts conflict with dietary restrictions and larger boxes could wind up being throw out.
Certain types of flowers. Flowers and plants make nice gifts, but some can pose a hazard if accidentally eaten (it's rare, but it can happen for people with acute memory issues). Check with the facility about the types of flowers that are allowed or preferred.
Electronics. It depends on the person, but many will struggle to learn how to use new computers, tablets and other electronics. So, while well-intended and generous, these gifts risk going unused.
“They like to open a book and not a computer,” said Kimberly White, director of fun at Lombard Place Assisted Living and Memory Care.
One exception might be the Amazon Echo. Several local facility operators said residents use the Alexa voice-activated system to get questions answered, play music, find out about the weather or receive reminders.
“Or, if they wake up in the middle of the night, they can say, 'Alexa, turn on the bathroom light,' and it will turn it on for them” if programmed to do so, said Nicole Bartecki, vice president of sales and marketing at Pathway Senior Living, which has facilities all over the Chicago area, including Bartlett and Vernon Hills.
Do buy ...
Photo gifts. Ideas include a digital frame, preloaded with hundreds of photos that play as a slideshow, or photo calendars with important dates marked, or frames that hold multiple photos, old and new. Some frames allow the giver to record a message, such as “I love you, Grandma!” The recipient can play it back repeatedly with the push of a button.
“As long as someone loads it up for them and they don't have to do it themselves, it's perfect,” White said.
Music gifts. CDs, wireless headphones, simple-to-use CD players or an MP3 player preloaded with favorite songs make thoughtful gifts. As explained in a recent Daily Herald story, music helps many older people feel calm and more joyful.
Gift certificates for their facility's salon. Residents can use the certificates to get a haircut, manicure or pedicure, or possibly some spa services.
Obvious, but always good choices: These include soft blankets, scarves, skin moisturizers, books (possibly large print), socks, large-print playing cards, games like dominoes and clothing that is easy to get on and off, such as fleece jackets and elastic waist pants.
Adult coloring books and colored pencils. These are popular at senior facilities now. Woodstock artist Wendy Piersall, who designs and sells adult coloring books, gave her first book to her mother, who had Alzheimer's. Even though her mom didn't use it much, the book helped trigger her memory of her daughter and the gift. “It's the very last time she remembered anything from our lives,” Piersall said. “It's a very cherished memory for me.”
Indoor/outdoor “slipper boots.” They are easy to get on and off, and can double as shoes. “They have nonslip stuff on the bottoms,” White said.
Bird feeders. Check with the facility to make sure they're allowed. If so, find a feeder that can be firmly attached to the outside of a window and easily refilled.
A dance therapy session. A dance instructor can visit and lead them in dance moves. North Shore Dance Therapy is among the places that offers this service.
Recordable storybooks. Recordable storybooks allow seniors to record themselves reading a story to their grandchildren, or the grandchildren reading to a grandparent. Hallmark and Amazon.com sell dozens of varieties.
Flavor infuser water bottles, pitchers or cups. These are helpful to people who need to drink more water and stay hydrated for their health. Some versions allow you to add fruit. They're sold at most department stores and online.
Tickets to something they'd enjoy. It could be a movie, sporting event or concert they'd like.
A pedometer and activity tracker. This gift can help keep seniors active. The Ozeri brand, for example, has a large, easy-to-read digital display.
Gifts for the staff
At many facilities, gifts and tipping are not allowed. In those cases, give something the whole staff can share, like flowers or candy, or have dinner sent in. One person suggested hiring a masseuse to give several people on the staff 15-minute chair massages.
In places where gifts and tipping are allowed, cash and gift cards are popular and appreciated.