Grammar Moses: Let me wow you with my balanced reciprocal capability

Judging by some of the articles in industry-specific journals, many of the consultants and salespeople I've heard speak and my occasional toe in the water on LinkedIn, it's safe to surmise that the literary works of Philip Broughton are alive and well.

What, you say you've never read him? You might not have, but I'll bet you've read someone channeling him.

Broughton, a U.S. Public Health Service worker, devised a way to make anything sound impressive. He came up with three lists of 10 words. He called this his "Systematic Buzz Phrase Projector."

The first list of 10 words is adjectives (that serve as adverbs in this case), the second is adjectives and the third is nouns. Each word is assigned a number 0-10.

Now pick a three-digit number. I'll go with 544.

The phrase associated with 5-4-4 is "responsive digital programming."

Nonsense, right?

But that's exactly what we set out to do when we made our Web pages easily readable on desktops, laptops, tablets and cellphones. The text - and the layout of the presentation - adjusts to the width of the screen.

At this point, the websites that haven't adopted responsive design stick out like a sore thumb when you're flipping through your phone.

I'll pick another number: 772. That's "synchronized incremental capability."

If you think hard enough, you can almost visualize what that might mean. Almost.

What you're really doing when you employ the buzz phrase projector is trying to baffle your audience with BS.

It's the equivalent of a middle school student looking up impressive-sounding synonyms to give the impression he is saying something profound when he's only really making a word salad that no one will understand.

Teachers see right through the subterfuge, kids. And, yeah, "subterfuge" is a great word.

It's my experience that some people never grow out of the habit.

What might surprise you is this is something Broughton came up with more than half a century ago. Newsweek wrote about him in 1968.

My thanks to reader Beth Todas, who wrote to me about it. Her husband, Richard, was in Officer Candidate School for the National Guard in the 1970s when an instructor in his presentation class gave a speech liberally using the buzzword generator.

The skill he learned that day probably gave him a leg up on his way to retiring decades later as a colonel.

If you're in the tech world and you feel the phrases generated by Broughton's masterpiece are a bit tired, fear not.

Someone has updated it for more modern obfuscation and hoodwinkery.

You can find the original lineup and the new one (with 50% more words!) at www.gsrc.ca/buzzword.htm

Cut the chords

If you are tired of paying for cable TV service, you might consider cutting the cord.

But what do you strike if you want to create an emotional connection with someone - a "cord" or a "chord?"

You strike a chord. Why? Because you find yourself in tune with someone else.

If you wanted to be gentle about it, you could merely "touch a chord."

You can also strike an accord, especially if you work in diplomatic circles.

But whatever you do, if you're out using your old-fashioned electric lawn mower, do not strike the cord.

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/executive editor of the Daily Herald. You can buy Jim's book, "Grammar Moses: A humorous guide to grammar and usage," at grammarmoses thebook.com. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com and put "Grammar Moses" in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.