Children’s health: How to set curfews to keep your teen safe

As teens grow more independent and begin to spend more time away from home, questions about curfews often come up. How late should your teen stay out, and how do you set limits without constant conflict?

Adolescents are programmed to hate curfews because they think they're about control or trust. But a curfew is a reflection of your concern for your child’s safety and well-being, so it’s important to present it that way.

Curfews help keep your child safe and healthy in several ways. Late-night hours often come with less adult supervision, which can increase the chances of encountering risky situations. Teens may be more likely to be around alcohol and drugs, for example. Saying they need to be home at a certain time also gives teens a simple, built-in excuse to leave if they feel uncomfortable.

Curfews also support healthy sleep habits. Adolescents need 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night, to support their mental health, school performance, and overall well-being. It also helps teens be more alert if driving.

Helping teens manage curfews successfully can start with the routines and expectations you set when they are younger. Getting your younger child used to being in at 5 p.m. or turning their lights out at 10 p.m., for example, allows them to experience structure. Structured routines also give kids a sense of stability and connection that supports healthy mental and emotional development.

A good starting point for the curfew conversation is to ask your teen what they think a reasonable curfew should be. Remember, a curfew is a tool to keep your child healthy, productive and safe. Your comfort level, your teen’s comfort level, and the safety of your community should all be part of the discussion.

The American Academy of Pediatrics believes curfews work best when they are based on your teen’s age, maturity and situation — and when they are clear, flexible and focused on safety, not punishment. Typically, by middle school, adolescents begin staying later at friends’ houses. This is a time to reinforce the importance of sleep for school and sports, while also watching how your child handles growing responsibility.

A few benchmarks you can consider when crafting a curfew for your child include if they give themselves enough time to get home and if they are where you two agreed they would be when being picked up. Additionally, consider if they give you a call in the instance something comes up and they might be late.

You can create good faith with your teen by allowing the curfew to be flexible but consistent. “How late can I stay out?” becomes a recurring question for teens. Some parents prefer a set curfew, while others prefer to vary curfew decisions by the circumstances. Sometimes 10:30 p.m. makes sense, but on another night, midnight may be appropriate. Many families set earlier curfews on school nights and allow more flexibility on weekends or for special events.

Flexibility also allows teens to earn more independence by demonstrating responsibility. That’s not to say that the agreed-upon curfew is open to interpretation, but that you give permission ahead of time to stretch the usual curfew on a special night because they’ve proven they routinely get home on time.

A flexible curfew, particularly in the last year of high school, helps prepare teens for college life or living independently elsewhere, when they will need to make smart choices on their own.

You may also want to consider how close your child’s friends live, whether they have a weekend job that can eat into their free time or extend their time to get home, and how your child’s curfew compares to their friends. Getting to know other parents and discussing shared expectations can create a unified support system.

Curfews are most effective when expectations and consequences are clear ahead of time. Consider using a “check-in rule,” asking your teen to say good night when they come in, even if it means waking you. It will give you peace of mind knowing they’re home safe.

Set clear expectations that any curfew is too late if it interferes with schoolwork or proper sleep. It can also be useful to implement expectations around homework being complete, checking in when needed, getting home safely, and being mindful of those at home when you come in.

If your teen misses curfew, let them know you were worried but that you’re relieved they are home safely and will talk with them in the morning. Late-night conversations are rarely productive. Make it clear that freedom is earned through responsibility, and when expectations aren’t met, privileges should be adjusted.

However, missing curfew should not automatically lead to grounding unless there are serious safety concerns. Instead, roll back privileges to a level where your teen has already shown success. For example: “You did well when your curfew was 10 p.m. We’ll go back to 10 for a few weeks until I see that you’re ready again to responsibly stay out later.”

Curfews are about safety, self-control, time management, and feeling fresh for the next day. With clear expectations, consistent follow-through and flexibility as your teen demonstrates responsibility, curfews can be a powerful tool for guiding teens toward healthy decision-making and independence.

• Ken Ginsburg, MD, MS Ed, FAAP, is author of several AAP books, “Building Resilience in Children and Teens, 4th Edition,”; “Congrats You’re Having a Teen: Strengthen Your Family and Raise a Good Person”; and “Lighthouse Parenting: Raising Your Child with Loving guidance for a Lifelong Bond.” He practices Adolescent Medicine at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and is a Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. Dr. Ginsburg directs Health Services at Covenant House Pennsylvania, where he serves Philadelphia's youth enduring homelessness, and is also founding director of The Center for Parent and Teen Communication. His AAP multimedia tool kit, “Reaching Teens: Strength-Based, Trauma-Sensitive, Resilience-Building Communication Strategies Rooted in Positive Youth Development,” prepares professionals to be the adults young people deserve in their lives.

• Children's health is a continuing series. This column was provided by the American Academy of Pediatrics. See more at www.healthychildren.org.