When common behaviors become addictions

Pay attention to your college or high school student’s behaviors, especially now that summer break has arrived. If they’re not present for family meals, not going out with friends, missing work, spending too many hours gaming, or spending money unwisely while letting other responsibilities go, you may be seeing an emerging mental health condition known as a process addiction, or behavior addiction.

If this is the case, trying to limit these behaviors by imposing restrictions typically won’t work because these young people literally can’t stop what they’re doing, even if they want to.

Adolescents and young adults, especially those whose brains are susceptible to addictive behaviors, may develop a process addiction in high school or college, where they are more on their own with fewer guardrails.

It’s not defiance or disobedience. It’s literally an addiction, not unlike substance addiction in its effects. As parents, it’s something we should be aware of.

What is a process addiction?

A process addiction is a compulsive desire to engage in a specific activity despite negative consequences. Here are a few common types:

• Gambling: You used to have to go to Las Vegas or Atlantic City to gamble. Today, you can gamble from the comfort of your sofa or bedroom. Someone (frequently a young man) who gets caught up in the risk-reward of gambling and can’t stop despite mounting debts may have a process addiction. I’ve known men in their 20s, or even their teens, who have thousands of dollars of debt.

• Gaming: This is specifically related to internet or video gaming and was noted as a condition for further study by the American Psychiatric Association. You can tell your child to turn off the game and go to bed and not realize they’re still up at 2 a.m. continuing to play.

• Buying and shopping: Characterized by problematic urges to shop that can lead to functional and financial consequences, this is a disorder that affects more young women than young men.

• Internet/social media: The compulsive need to continually check Instagram, TikTok or Facebook can become an addiction. Some experts believe that these apps are designed to encourage this type of compulsivity.

• Exercise: You can have too much of a good thing. Excessive physical activity despite negative consequences, such as injury, is often accompanied by eating disorders.

• Sex and love: A sex addiction can start in early adolescence, when boys discover there’s such a thing as pornography. An addiction to love can lead someone into dangerous relationships and behaviors, such as stalking, which can be virtual or real-life.

‘At least it’s not drugs’

It may not be easy for a parent to identify a process disorder. It’s even tempting to dismiss it by saying, “At least my kid isn’t using drugs.”

But a process disorder has many of the same hallmarks as a substance abuse disorder.

• Loss of control: An inability to stop or limit the behavior even when the person wants to.

• Negative consequences: Continuing the activity despite damage to finances, relationships, school or work.

• Cravings: The activity becomes the most important thing in the person’s life, and they experience intense urges to engage in it.

• Reward-seeking: The behavior is initially driven by a sense of pleasure or a “high,” rather than just to reduce anxiety.

• Withdrawal: Stopping the activity leads to physical withdrawal symptoms, such as anxiety, irritability and depression.

Diagnosis and treatment

It’s important to keep a watchful eye on how your child is spending their time and money. All of these behaviors can appear innocent, but if setting reasonable limits (like the number of hours in front of a screen) and expectations (household responsibilities, family dinners, etc.) isn’t working, realize that it may not be your child’s fault and start looking for professional help.

Treatment often involves a combination of therapy and, in some cases, medication to address underlying brain chemistry. Therapists that specialize in these addictions frequently utilize Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which can be very effective at helping individuals identify triggers and changes in thought patterns. There are also community support groups and 12-step programs.

Left untreated, a process addiction can linger into adulthood, damaging relationships and careers. Many individuals with process addictions also struggle with other mental health issues like depression, anxiety or trauma. Treating these underlying conditions can significantly improve the chances of successful recovery from a process addiction.

• Bonnie Lane, M.S., is principal consultant with Family Support Services in Northbrook, specializing in supporting families whose loved ones suffer from severe mental illness or substance addiction. Daily Herald readers can contact her at (847) 651-1554 or bonnielane@thefamilysupportservices.com.