Lincicome: Riding to the rescue of our TV friends, in case they’ve run out of ideas

Seeking the difference between Ted Lasso and Mike Greenberg is left to those who can’t get enough sports on television, whether real, imagined or examined, excluding anything involving Stephen A. Smith, a genre of its own.

From “30 for 30” to “Pardon the Interruption” to repeats of “Friday Night Lights,” the bag would seem to be full. And yet there is always room for more. I pass along the following sports programming suggestions for free:

“Hype or Hyphen” — Hosted by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Capitalizing on the trend to put as many names as possible on a jersey, a panel of players must be able to spell each other’s names without looking at the back of the shirt. Ties are broken by Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and Pete Crow-Armstrong. Winner gets the Jean-Luc Grand-Pierre Trophy.

“Legends of Victorian Golf” — Restricted to golfers born before Jack Nicklaus who have not necessarily died, although, for TV purposes, it doesn't really matter.

“It Ain’t Let’s Play Two, But …” — Collected wisdom from manager Craig Counsell, the most quotable Cub since Ernie Banks. “Enjoy the nerves.” “Baseball doesn’t wait.” And this classic, “If you’re worried about something else other than today, today is going to kick your ass.”

“Tour de Eiffel Tower” — A vertical bicycle race.

“Grand Masters Bowlers Tour” — These older legends of the lanes do not have to lift and throw the ball but are allowed to hold it in their laps and slide down inclined alleys into pins made like giant cotton swabs. The ball return, however, is breathtaking.

“You're the Owner” — In the tradition of “You're the Coach” and “You're the Ump,” this is a series of problem-solving quizzes, such as Do You Flick your Cigar Ashes from Your Skybox onto the Heads of the Paying Customers Below or Wait Until the Seventh-Inning Stretch and Throw the Lighted Butt down the Shirt of the one Politician Who Voted Against Your Free New Stadium?

“Rehab Heroes” — A series of All-Star Games limited to PED abusers in sports. To hold down the size of the rosters, only those whose numbers have been retired are allowed to vote for themselves.

“Hockey's Greatest Fight Songs” — You Light Up My Crease. St. Louis Blue Line. Funny Face Off. Yves of Destruction. Smile and the Whole World Sees the Back of Your Throat.

“Tennis Antiques” — 100 practical uses for Novak Djokovic.

“Sideline Bleeps And Blunders” — Outtakes never seen before that prove that jocks on the sidelines of football games do have things to say to a camera other than “Hi, Mom,” and “We’re No. 1.” Surprisingly, many players take the opportunity to reach a national audience with important advice such as “Buy a hybrid car,” “Eat union cabbage” and “Don’t wear garters with Bermuda shorts.”

“Charger Girls, Raiderettes and Ben-gals, Oh My” — Inside look at a group of leggy beauties who wear skimpy costumes along the sidelines and prance before the spectators. Tragedy strikes when the entire group is fired because one of them poses in coveralls and a hard hat for Popular Mechanics. “If we had wanted that kind of image,” grouses a team owner, “we would have hired the Andrettis.”

“Forearm Shivers” — Counter programming to cheerleader shows. This covers the adventures of a group of hairy, overweight ex-football players who distract fans of a girls gymnastics team by blocking and tackling each other between the uneven bars and the Romanians.

“On The Carpet Again” — A travel show that gives viewers an armchair tour of the Midwest’s leading miniature golf courses, with special segments on the legendary challenges of the game: the Windmill Hole at Sam`s Putts Around in Peoria, the renowned Ball in the Bear`s Bellybutton Hole at Crazy Carl`s Funhouse in Terre Haute, and the Triple-Loop-In-The-Crocodile`s-Mouth par 2 at Big Lulu`s Drive and Dine in Sheboygan.

“Gag Me With A Spatula” -- This cooking show offers recipes prepared by the athletes themselves. Hot Dog for Hire (Angel Reese), Clam Up (Aaron Rodgers), Stir Fry Coach (Deion Sanders), Six-Foot Hero (Lionel Messi), Sour Grapes (Shaquille O’Neal), Cold Shoulders (Aryna Sabalenka) and Yesterday`s Leftovers (John Smoltz, Charles Barkley, Fred Couples and Mike Tyson.)

“Prop Bets, Baby” — The most popular wager at the moment is which will cost more, a gallon of gas or a World Cup ticket.