Carolyn Hax: Weight loss praise turns judgmental when GLP-1 drugs are mentioned

Q: After spending my entire adult life fighting my weight and being medically classified as overweight, then obese, I have finally found some success with the new GLP-1 weight loss drugs. Will it stick? Who knows. But I have lost 20 pounds so far and am feeling better than I have in a decade. And I am hopeful for the first time in a long time.

People are now commenting on my weight loss, and I have given credit to these new drugs. But the response has been … weird and unexpected. So many friends and family members have complimented me on the weight loss only to turn around and zing me for the method.

Comments have ranged from saying these drugs are just for celebrities, or really should be for people with diabetes; they’re a shortcut and lazy; only for people with zero willpower; untested and probably dangerous; and and and … all sorts of uninformed-by-science, inaccurate and super-judgmental things.

I’m wondering if I should just stop owning the method and smile and nod and say “thanks.” But I don’t want — or feel — the need to hide from the truth were it not for these terrible comments. What do you think?

— Weight-loss-drug Shamed

A: I think you’ve been brave telling the truth. And I’m happy for you that the drugs are working.

As with so many things (like, oh, weight management), the best way to deal with the problem of people’s weirdly judgmental commentary isn’t to try to make a single solution fit every body.

Have you noticed, by the way, that our collective grasp of human variety seems to come and go on a whim? And the whims tend to be suspiciously in line with whatever helps us feel superior?

Anyway. Where was I.

People and their social metabolisms will vary. Your relationships with people will vary. The circumstances of your encounters will vary.

So it only makes sense for your strategies with people to vary, depending.

Smile-nod-thank-you works with acquaintances and for any compliment in passing — and using this does not mean you’ve chosen to “hide” anything. It just means you understand the terms of a superficial social transaction. Do you quip “Vertical, at least,” or do you inventory your sufferings when someone asks, “How are you?” The old rules translate fine as is to the new drugs. (Well, except zero mention of weight is the rule. Technically.)

It’s different if people close to you are engaging you on your health care or lifestyle changes, but only if you want it to be. Privacy is not synonymous with shame or dishonesty, nor is it negotiable. This is still nobody’s darn business.

Especially when there’s no escaping the fact that people are, to a significant degree, uninformed by science, inaccurate and super-judgmental.

Anyone considering such treatments can talk to doctors. So why these breakthrough weight-loss drugs made the worst of the friends-and-family commentariat think they had to “help” by barking their disapproval in unison, I’ll leave to the sages.

For me, it’s enough to know the people who judge are telling on themselves: Of all the drugs in all the world, they’re deeply concerned about these? Imagine. The one type letting them claim it’s altruistic now to keep dunking on fat people.

Since my favorite response to that is unprintable, here’s a way to high-road it: Respond to what critics should have said. “Thanks, I feel great.” Then a blank stare, or walk your new pants away.

People you value can get real answers: “Successful treatment for a persistent health struggle — when have we ever not celebrated that?”

• Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, or chat with her online at 11 a.m. Central time each Friday at washingtonpost.com.

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