Women are the family’s chief medical officer

Being a parent is so stressful these days that U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued an advisory in August focusing attention on the problem and calling for more support for parents from our businesses, communities, governments and familial relations.

A lot of that stress is borne by women who, in their roles as mothers, daughters and granddaughters, often become the family’s chief medical officer (CMO), almost by default. This is despite the fact that 74% of mothers with children under 18 are employed, and 82% of those work full time, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. In addition, in 40% of households with children under 18, mothers are the primary or sole earner.

Studies suggest, according to the American Heart Association (AHA), that women — especially mothers — shoulder an estimated 80% of the family's medical decision-making responsibilities. How did this come to be so? More importantly, how can it impact your own health and well-being, and what can you do to relieve some of the burden?

“I think women are the default caregivers in a family because they manage all the logistical and household things,” Dr. Grace Lin, a professor of medicine and health policy at the University of California, San Francisco, told the AHA earlier this year. “It is natural for medical decision-making to become part of that.”

Add to that the stressors that come with being in the so-called “sandwich generation,” the 60% of women who are responsible for the care of parents or grandparents in addition to their children. As people live longer, the sandwich generation is getting more squeezed — and there are fewer and fewer two-adult households to help share the load.

Juggling all of those balls is why, according to the American Psychological Association’s 2023 Stress in America survey, women report higher stress levels than men, feel alone and could use more support.

Even if you can’t eliminate the stress of being the CMO, are there ways to manage or even reduce it? The answer is yes, but it’s not easy.

Here are some ideas:

Encourage shared decision-making, or if that fails, just delegate

Stop trying to be a superwoman and ask for help. If you have a spouse or a partner (or ex-spouse or ex-partner), discuss the family’s medical needs and then create an action plan for who will be responsible for what. Start a shared calendar in Google or some other application on which appointments can be tracked and reminders sent.

Take care of yourself, too

Many women step instinctively into the role of caregiver, and often the last person they think about is themselves. Balance the stress that comes with being the CMO with activities that give you energy rather than sap it. Spend time with some friends. Take a Zumba class. Journal or binge a favorite old TV series. Get out in nature. Even going for a stroll in a Forest Preserve, now that fall is here, can recharge your batteries.

Organize the family’s medical records

You’ll make it easier on yourself if you have everyone’s medical information organized, including insurance information, medications, known allergies, etc. Have a file (paper or cloud-based) for each person, including parents and grandparents if appropriate, then keep it chronological. If it’s possible, use one family medicine provider for everyone, and take advantage of their patient portal to track test results and ask questions.

For adults in the household, including children over the age of 18, have a HIPAA form filled out and signed so that, in case of an emergency, someone is designated to speak on behalf of the patient and obtain information. If you have an out-of-state college student, get the HIPAA form for that state.

Educate your children

By setting an example of self-care, your children will learn how to care for themselves, from activities as basic as brushing their teeth to mental health boosts like meditation and quiet time to making sure they know about their own health conditions, such as allergies. Remind them: You get one body so you have to take care of it.

Encourage parents and grandparents to organize their life information

Let them know they can ease your load by keeping a record of all their important documents, health conditions, insurance information, estate information, social media accounts, preferences for life celebrations, etc. To make this easier, I offer a free downloadable Emergency Life File. Visit https://northshorern.com/free-resources/ to learn more.

As the U.S. surgeon general will tell you, being the chief medical officer is a big responsibility with lots of details. Use all the tools at your disposal to make it manageable.

• Teri (Dreher) Frykenberg is a board-certified patient advocate. A critical care registered nurse for 30+ years, she is founder of NShore Patient Advocates (www.NorthShoreRN.com). Her book, “How to Be a Healthcare Advocate for Yourself & Your Loved Ones,” is available on Amazon. She is offering a free phone consultation to Daily Herald readers; email her at teri@northshorern.com.